What we are talking about:
Philip Rivers
Matchup is not that great
Jay Cutler
He's going to smoke us
Naya Rivera
She makes the world much better
Why are people trying to break the internet? The internet gives us many wonderful things: News, information, and a way to judge and mock people with ideas that are different than ours. So why would somebody try to break something this wonderful?
And if you're going to try to break the internet, why would you use a lass who is famous for being in an adult movie and posing in an adult-themed magazine? That would be akin to Baskin Robbins holding a press conference and being all, "Hey world, we're going to break the internet with this new flavor. It's made from the leaf of coco plants. We call it chocolate." I mean, who would give a (expletive)?
Besides, there are many easier ways to break the internet these days. What if photos of Johnny Manziel sitting in his hotel room studying his playbook were to reach the internet? Things would go completely bananas.
What else, what else? Oh, what if Eli Manning were to go on Jeopardy! and win? I'm not sure the internet would ever be able to handle something like that. And I'm talking real Jeopardy! too, not the phony college version. Actually, I'd be surprised if he won any level. Either way, internet broken.
I've got it; the internet would go completely ape (feces) if LeSean McCoy scored more than 10 fantasy points in a game. That would absolutely do it. And if McCoy and Cordarrelle Patterson were to score double-digit points in the same week, I'm afraid the world would look like the movie "This is the End" with Seth Rogen, James Franco et al.
That would certainly do it. (If not, maybe Andy Reid in the same bare-behind pose as Kim Kardashian would do the trick, too.)
But in all seriousness, what the hell McCoy? He was given a gift of a touchdown on Monday night. If Brent Celek (or was it Zach Ertz?) hadn't been down at the 1-yard line, McCoy would have had another miserable game. In fact, I'm starting to wonder if McCoy is even going to land in the first round of next year's fantasy drafts. Though, I'm not ready to look ahead to that quite yet. The first round of fantasy drafts are going to be very interesting because there are a few guys who are having career years I certainly wouldn't trust next season.
A big hand to stats mavens Careen Falcone, Matty Fredrickand Mickey for dropping the knowledge. Oh, and our man **Patrick Crawley** continues "Patrick's Corner" this week.
And without further ado ...
Matthew Stafford has had some rough patches, but he now has his full complement of offensive talent around him and he's poised for a monster stretch which starts this week.
Josh McCown has done a nice job of doing what he did well in Chicago. Namely, he's just stepped back and started to fling it to his obscenely talented and tall receivers. Work smarter, not harder, Josh.
I also like Robert Griffin III in that game, too. How about it guys, let's say you both just step back and fling the rock out there? Washington is coming off a bye week, so this is a now-or-never moment for RGIII. I'm going to give him a go. I know, I'm scared, too.
RGIII received the support of DeSean Jackson just before the bye week, which leads me to believe Washington is going to put it on the Buccaneers this week. I just have a feeling about it.
I should really know how to quit while I'm ahead with Mark Sanchez. He had his great week, he won a bunch of games and that should be good enough. But damn, this Eagles offense is just too irresistible. And you think of what Nick Foles did last year; Sanchez could be poised for a great run.
Russell Wilson is going to be a tough one to project because he hasn't had great passing stats in recent weeks. But his threat of running keeps him in the QB1 conversation so I would start him.
Philip Rivers scored more points for you last week on a bye than he did two weeks ago when he operated in negative points. If he was Peyton Manning, he would be out to prove his worth and throw five touchdowns against the poor Raiders. But Rivers is a good person. He's got nothing to prove. So he's good for about 259 passing yards and a TD, which would be good for 14.66. That's his floor this week.
Rivers did have 25.82 fantasy points against the Raiders the last time they played, tough. And at least 300 passing yards in his last three against them. So what do I know?
That was a standard market-correction for Ben Roethlisberger last week. He wasn't going to throw six touchdowns for the third-consecutive week. He should get back to about 309 passing yards and two touchdowns this week.
I'm a hypocrite because I would have had no problem with Aaron Rodgers going for the touchdown record on Sunday night, and I know I would have bashed Peyton Manning for the same thing. At least Rodgers would have been motivated by going up against his long-time rival who knocked him out in the same game last year, so maybe it seems more pro wrestling to me.
ImageIt must be the masochist in me, but I've really enjoyed these blowouts on Sunday and Monday night. If for nothing else, it's been fun to watch the announcers try to fill with nonsense. Jon Gruden took it to another level on Monday when he introduced a blender and started making smoothies. That really should be a thing, only those smoothies should have included Fireball. Can the FCC just enact a rule where announcers have to take a shot ever time the deficit is greater than 24 points? That would keep a lot of people around to watch.
Image"Too Many Cooks" might be my favorite thing on the internet right now. Or on Adult Swim. Whatever platform you prefer, its pretty genius. And for the record, I watched the entire 11 minutes. You would think the gag would get old after a while, but it keeps on going. And going.
On the bright side for Chicago, things should be really good for Matt Forte. He's had at least 20 fantasy points in four of his last five games against the Vikings.
I know the moment we bury the Bears, they are going to curb-stomp a team (that's a Seth Rollins reference, not what you're thinking). But Jerick McKinnon has at least 80 rushing yards in back-to-back roadies and the Bears have, well, you know.
Mark Ingram had a busted-up shoulder and still had a ton of touches last week. In fact, his 86 touches over the last three weeks are the most over that time span. Finally, a Saints running back we can believe in. Well, until Sean Payton messes with us just because.
Speaking of coaches (expletive) with us, Alfred Morris has three rushing touchdowns in his last two games. Yep, he's never going to get another goal-line look is he? I hate my fantasy life. (Not really.)
It's not enough Ahmad Bradshaw took over the running back job in Indy, he has six red-zone touchdown receptions. The matchup against the Patriots is good. Trent Richardson is even a #DangerZone play.
Andre Ellington has a touchdown in three consecutive games. And he gets a ton of touches. I expect the number to go up (that's right) with my man Carson Palmer out for the year.
When you want to figure out which Patriots running back to start, think game plan. The Colts have given up a ton of receiving yards to running backs. So I look for the Pats to pass which means a better workload for Shane Vereen. But with Bill Belichick, well, you know.
Joique Bell has 125 touches this season, which are 46 more than any other Lions player. I expect the Lions to try to establish the run this week and Bell will get his opportunities. My sources indicated to me Theo Riddick is going to be the long-term guy for the Lions, not Reggie Bush.
Somebody in your league probably dropped Branden Oliver. Why not go pick him up and play him this week against the Raiders? He's going to have a role with Ryan Mathews back. Oliver just had like 684 rushing attempts in four games (check my math) and hit a bit of a wall.
Terrance West really scared me on Thursday night, after he missed two touchdown opps. He did get his touchdown which is all that matters. (Well could have been three! But let's not get greedy.)
Since I just wrote about West, I might as well jump-in with C.J. Anderson who was my other summer fantasy fling. C.J. has been great in back-to-back weeks and I like the matchup this week against St. Louis. Actually, I don't give a (expletive) about the matchup, I'm starting him.
Jeremy Hill will likely get another chance to redeem himself this week as a solo act. Don't let last week throw you off. I know it was bad. I started him, too. So I imagine Hue Jackson will understand the error of his ways (remember who his quarterback is) and give us a healthy dose of Hill. He'd better.
Image"Sons of Anarchy" SPOILER. This was my favorite episode of the season. It had so much great stuff packed into it. For one, it was an old-school SOA revenge scheme that worked out well. I thought Rat Boy and T.O. were done for. And really, I was scared the One-niners guy and T.O. were going to get killed at the end. Glad the Sons do have some compassion for somebody outside of the brotherhood.
Image"Sons of Anarchy" SPOILER I believe we're getting closer to my long-time theory for the end of the show. Flash forward 16 years and Abel is reading his dad's journals. Nero will mistakenly kill Jax after he kills Gemma. But my new revised addition is Tig and Venus move to Norco with Wendy to raise some of the kids. BTW, anybody impressed by Abel's own revenge scheme? Chip off the old block.
Alshon Jeffery has at least 11 fantasy points in five of his last seven games against the Vikings. He had a monster game against the Vikings the last time the two teams met. Brandon Marshall has struggled, too. But I'm going to give him a go for another week.
Larry Fitzgerald is now just eight yards shy from becoming the second-youngest player to reach 12,000 receiving yards. He's become much more effective in recent weeks because teams have to respect the speed of John Brown. Expect Fitzgerald to continue to be fantasy relevant. Anquan Boldin has become the go-to guy for the 49ers. He's had a couple of nice games and even though I expect the 49ers to run the ball a lot, Boldin will get his chances.
Roddy White has averaged close to 12 fantasy points in his last three games against the Panthers. He's out-played Julio Jones in recent weeks. The overcorrection looms hard for Julio, so I would consider both safe plays this week.
I don't care if Kelvin Benjamin catches his two touchdowns in the first half or the final two minutes of the game. Actually, that would be worse if Benji had two touchdowns in the first five minutes because you would drive yourself crazy the rest of the way rooting for more scores.
DeAndre Hopkins is on pace for 1,216 receiving yards. This disappoints me because I am really looking forward to James Koh wearing high heels.
Jordan Matthews has become the favorite target of Mark Sanchez, which makes perfect (expletive) sense because I traded for Jeremy Maclin last week. The Packers have allowed the sixth-most points to fantasy receivers.
Brandon LaFell has become my jam for the Patriots. Glad the Panthers had some receiving depth to get rid of this guy. The Patriots have a great matchup this week against the Colts who have allowed the most points to receivers of the last month.
I mentioned DeSean Jackson earlier. The Bucs have allowed the most fantasy points to receivers this year. One of my #DangerZone picks would be Andre Roberts.
Odell Beckham Jr. is a nice play this week. The 49ers have allowed the fifth-most points to receivers over the last month. He's clearly become Eli's guy.
Martavis Bryant has six touchdown catches in his first four games to set an NFL record. As long as he's opposite Antonio Brown, he's going to get his chances.
Calvin Johnson is once again the top receiver in the NFL. I wouldn't shy away from Golden Tate this week, either. The Birds D is tough, but I'm going to keep going to Tate.
ImageI've been able to binge on "New Girl" over the past couple of nights, thanks to a blowout on Sunday night, and the need to cleanse myself after "Sons of Anarchy" this week." New Girl" has been on fire. I love this show. I normally wouldn't laugh at something like Zooey Deschannel getting run over by a bike, but I laughed my (butt) off. And the "Micro" episode was legitimately hilarious.
ImageI toyed with the idea of disliking "Last Week Tonight with John Oliver" because they are going to be off until February. But since this gives me a chance to see him at the Grove of Anaheim in the coming weeks, I'm going to give it a like. And the salmon cannon was also legitimately hilarious, too. The sheer volume of stars who participated was really impressive.
I'm sure you've noticed I don't spend a lot of time on tight ends because, well, most of the time you are locked in to certain players. And I would never put somebody like Jimmy Graham, Rob Gronkowski or Julius Thomas on a "dislike" list. So I feel like you can just ask me directly.
One guy I would like to talk about is Mychal Rivera who has been one of the most targeted tight ends in football. But also because his sister Naya Rivera of "Glee" fame totally put former adult film star Kim Kardashian on blast this week for the photo we talked about here. You can read all about what Naya said here or here. #NailedIt So for her alone (Naya not KK), I would go with Mychal if you need to pick up a tight end.
Austin Seferian-Jenkins is a nice option, too. He scored a touchdown last week (make sure you check out "That Helps No One") and he's got a pretty good matchup against Washington this week, too.
ImageSpeaking of which, if you didn't get a chance to watch "Behind the Fantasy: That Helps No One", I really hope you will take the two minutes to do it. Todd Metcalf was the brains behind this feature, so give it a look. Cameo alert: Dylan Milner.
Each week homepage editor **Patrick Crawley** will be invited to give a like (and dislike) for the week. Take it away, buddy.
ImagePatrick's Corner: HBO's "Sonic Highways" Foo Fighters documentary series. A cool window into the process. Great album too. Is there a musician in the world Dave Grohl doesn't know?
ImageGreat call! I once hung out with Grohl at a Dramarama concert at the House of Blues. Awesome dude. And since we're talking about music. RIP Big Bank Hank. Loved his music. And when I worked at the Disneyland HotelExact|G|4152415.DL.AM.01.01&keywordid=sUiztrQ8K_dc|disneyland%20hotel|46311432597|e|1540edz14035), I was known as Sick Bank Rank in homage. "Rappers Delight" is the best hip-hop song ever, rivaled only by Eric B. and Rakim's "Paid in Full".
ImageBTW, we landed a rocket on a comet! So now the plausibility of "Armageddon" doesn't seem so far-fetched anymore does it? DOES IT?
Don't expect Drew Stanton to inherit all of Carson Palmer's production. Especially this week against the Lions who have allowed the fewest points to quarterbacks this season.
Matt Ryan had a nice matchup against the Buccaneers last week and ended up with 15 points. Which isn't great. He's had fewer than 16 points in five consecutive games, so I'm not about to trust him this week.
Cam Newton is another quarterback you just can't trust. Not after that awful performance against the Eagles. Even when he wasn't getting harangued, he made some truly awful throws. And he's had more than 16 points once in his last eight games.
I mean, you certainly can start Cam Newton. I just wouldn't advise doing it. Not until you see some evidence he has stuff worked out. He's destined to be a garbage-time hero this year.
How bummed out was the internet when Mark Sanchez went out and had a great game? Twitter had about the same amount of energy as the CBS broadcast team when Auburn lost a pair of fumbles at the end of regulation against Texas A&M. Those guys were straight-up morose about that loss.
Alex Smith is like the poor-man's version of Russell Wilson. His main threat is running and he also hates having to throw to his WRs, too. If his RBs don't catch a TD pass, he's not throwing one.
Do any of you know a shorter person who has this attitude where he constantly has to prove how manly he is? That's Peyton when he plays a team like the Raiders. He can't beat the truly elite teams in the NFL, but he absolutely crushes it in the regular season against teams like the Raiders. I don't know why I'm complaining, it's great for fantasy football.
This video of Brock Osweiler broke your heart and kind of made you chuckle at the same time. I mean, I don't even have to try with Peyton Manning any more. He goes out and proves my point every week. And don't get on my case, blame Manning. I would be content to let him be but he can't do this and not expect me to call him on his (expletive).
Oh my god, Derek Carr has thrown four touchdowns in every game against the Chargers! In fact, he's had at least two touchdowns in every game he's played at Qualcomm.
Why isn't there a bigger deal being made out of Zach Mettenberger against Roethlisberger? I mean, it's the Berger Bowl! Really, am I the only one who is excited about this? All right, all right I will let it go.
The Bears loss to the Packers was easily the most embarrassing loss since the game against the Patriots in Week 9. So the good news is, it wasn't that long ago. But hey, the Bears released Santonio Holmes, so everything should be copasetic now. Right? Please tell me I'm right.
You guys know the moment you give up on Jay Cutler he's going to rise up to have a monster game, right? He's going to end up throwing like four touchdowns against the Vikings and you will go all-in on the guy the following week against the Buccaneers. Which will be a mistake because you know (deity) damn well Lovie Smith is going to find a way to humiliate the Bears. You can pretty much bank on that to happen. So I would only recommend Cutler for those truly ready to embrace the #DangerZone. Do you have the guts to go through with it?
I drafted Adrian Peterson in three leagues, including my League of Record (I had the fourth-overall spot and so wanted to go Jimmy Graham. And yes, there was a Bears fan in front of me who took Forte). I dropped AD in all leagues and those were the only leagues where I tried to get him back. As luck would have it, I missed on every single waiver claim.
I do have a keeper league that's pretty deep. I've had to hold on to AD and Josh Gordon for the entire season. The platform we play on wouldn't even let us carve out Commissioner's exempt list players, either. That probably needs to change for next season. (I also had Ray Rice on this team but did let go of him.)
The Panthers rushing attack has had at least 100 rushing yards in 12 consecutive games against the Falcons. I'm just not sure if you can go with DeAngelo Williams or Jonathan Stewart. Not with Cam Newton's epic struggles.
Darren McFadden has more than nine fantasy points in his last seven games against the Chargers. If you would have told me he would have been healthy this long and still not produced, I wouldn't have believed it.
Bishop Sankey has started to look good in recent weeks, but he's just not getting the goal-line looks. Shonn Greene fumbled at the 1-yard line and you thought, awesome. This will be Sankey's gig next time. Nope. It went to Leon Washington. I would only mildly play Sankey against the Steelers.
Well, unless Justin Bieber shows up again with the Steelers. Who is the worst celebrity to cheer for your team? Bieber or Drake? Wrong. It's a trick question. Drake roots for everybody's team.
ImageSome of you might have written-in Kim Kardashian, too. But teams are undefeated in Super Bowls when Double K is romantically linked to the team's running back. #Fact I mean, you really can't argue this, right? I mean, it's not like she is Jessica Simpson. Or even Jessica Alba who, while it's cool to have her on your side, she hasn't done the Oakland Raiders any favors.
I feel like I would be pushing my luck if I went with Steven Jackson for a second-consecutive week. This seems like the perfect week for a periphery Falcons running back to score.
The Cleveland backfield is going to be shaky for a while. Ben Tate received a touchdown, but if Thursday was any indication, he's just going to be a vulture.
I'm not going to outright drop Ronnie Hillman until he's ruled out for this week for the Broncos. But if you had to make a move on it for your waiver wire, I sure don't blame you. He had a couple of nice games, but doesn't figure to have the long-term success for the Broncos.
Giovani Bernard is not expected to play this week. That's good for us who have held on to Jeremy Hill and even suffered last week, too. I would continue to hang on to Bernard, but this has started to become a pretty large concern for his holders.
Image"Sons of Anarchy" SPOILER I did like the episode a lot. But Moses was the second-smartest guy on the show behind August Marks, so how did he walk into that ambush so easily? Maybe he took the biker gang for granted. But given how hard Bobby proved to be whilst being tortured, he should have been suspicious even while being disappointed in T.O. Nice twist though, a true eye for an eye.
Image"Sons of Anarchy" SPOILER We also learned a little too much about the mating habits of certain members of the bike gang. Actually, none of that was jarring. But the Marilyn Manson prison scene was just a little too much. You know, there are certain things in life you can't unsee and that is probably going to stay with me a little too long. No amount of "New Girl" viewing after that will ever replace it.
This seems like the best time, in theory, to get Cordarrelle Patterson into your lineups. In theory. But Great Caesar's Ghost, I just don't have the stomach to do it just yet. Maybe I'll take a chance in one of my daily leagues but not in any that matter.
What the (expletive) happened to Michael Floyd? He has become the odd-man out for the Birds. We talk about how John Brown has made Larry Fitzgerald effective, but it certainly hasn't rubbed off on Floyd. At least not yet. I wouldn't drop him, but I would certainly keep him on the bench.
Michael Crabtree being healthy was supposed to make a huge impact for the 49ers this year. This certainly hasn't been the case. I would certainly drop this guy.
ImageIf I'm fantasy booking the rest of the 49ers season from here on out, I would have Jim Harbaugh eventually get fired after the team misses the playoffs. And then Harbaugh ends up as the next coach of the Chicago Bears. That would be pretty rad, right?
The one thing that struck me about the Panthers on Monday night, and Boomer Esiason talked about this at great length, was that Newton never seemed to have any sense of urgency out on the field. But I guess I wouldn't be in any hurry given that offensive line.
Andre Johnson was able to overcome some terrible quarterbacks earlier in his career, but his skills have taken just enough of a step back that I can't trust him with Ryan Mallet.
I mean, it's like one of those things where you could handle a night of partying in your early 20s and then show up to work the next day with no hangover. But now that you're on the wrong side of 30, you really can't play that game. So it's similar for Dre here.
Brandin Cooks leads NFC rookies with 48 receptions. But you can't trust any Saints receiver in back-to-back weeks. So I'm not about to put Cooks in the lineup. I guess that would make my guy Kenny Stills this week. But only in the #DangerZone.
The matchup is extremely great for Washington this week. But it will take a lot more than a great matchup to get back with Pierre Garcon again.
Reuben Randle has clearly been passed by OBJ with the Giants. (Have we ever received definitive word on if we're going to use ODB or OBJ as his official nickname? I kind of like OBJ.)
We probably shouldn't ever trust Justin Hunter again. Hey, the matchup was great last week, it just didn't work out that way. That's on me.
I just trust T.Y. for the Colts this week. I'm really going to leave Reggie Wayne on the bench. The Patriots have allowed the third-fewest points to receivers this season. THIRD!
ImageI rarely watch RAW from the UK. It reminds me of being a little kid and the WWF would take eight consecutive RAWs in one night at the Orange Fairgrounds in San Bernardino. Instead, I just read Brandon Stroud's Best and Worst of RAW. I would just like to say whatever Brandon says goes double for me. Except that I sincerely have no interest in the coming "old-school" Survivor Series. I would just rather watch Brock Lesnar eat John Cena for an hour. (Yes, EAT.)
ImageJust received an email that said Steve Young will now try his hand at comedy. Apparently the PR maven who sent this out has never seen Young and his three co-stars stand awkwardly on the field after the Monday night telecast. That's unintentional hilarity at its finest. And never, ever try to top Daniel Tosh.
The Seahawks have struggled against tight ends this season, but before you rush to put Travis Kelce in your lineup please consider the following; the Chiefs don't have any receivers. I mean, the team hasn't thrown a touchdown pass to a receiver this year. So I expect the full resources of the Legion of Boom to take out Kelce this week and dare the Chiefs to beat them with guys none of your friends have heard of.
The Chargers have been tough on tight ends, too. But just to reiterate what I said over in the "like" side of the ledger, Naya Rivera nuked former adult film star Kim Kardashian so that has led me to make Mychal Rivera one of my #DangerZone stars of the week.
ImageASJ was flagged and fined after he scored last week because he used a football as a prop. Is this really a priority? If the use of the football as a prop is the most egregious of offenses, I'll take it. I have no problem with end zone celebrations. Most people find them fun. But why would we want to entertain the folks who have thrown down $100 for one ticket? The next thing you know, we will start to water down the beer! Oh wait, that's already happened. Don't worry Seattle, it's not like a mascot was on the loose. Oh wait, that's already happened. So if we could put a priority on stronger beer and keeping ourselves safe from wildlife, I will take end zone celebrations with the football as a prop.
Each week homepage editor Patrick Crawley will be invited to give a dislike (and like) for the week. Take it away, buddy.
ImagePatrick's Corner: The lack of a great Pablo Escobar movie. How has Hollywood not gotten this right yet? And no, the upcoming Josh Hutcherson rom com "Escobar: Paradise Lost" doesn't count.
Are we sure this doesn't count? I kind of want it to count. But I believe it was the great Marcas Grant who floated the idea of making all of those great "Entourage" films into actual pictures. I could get down with that.
For the record, you can submit your fantasy questions to NFL Fantasy Live or me on Twitter. But realize, NFL Fantasy Live has 300K followers. Me? Just four. See, the odds are better I will answer your question, so hit me up both via Twitter or via Facebook. And if you follow him on Sundays, he'll quote "The Wolf" from "Pulp Fiction" and then it's game on! Although, it's tough to catch me on Facebook. Twitter is your go-to." Plus seriously people, I'm not taking your tweets after Midnight. I'm into the #HashtagWars via @Midnight.
