Welcome to the Around The NFL End Around, a weekly look back at the world of the National Football League. Dan Hanzus serves as your guide.
It was a good week for ...
1. Rob Gronkowski: The unanimous All-Pro fulfilled a life dream (not an exaggeration) when he purchased his own personal party bus. He even had a real life Turtle character pick it up on Long Island and drive it up to Foxborough.
2. Rob Konrad: The former Dolphins fullback is still alive after he fell off his fishing boat and managed to swim nine milesback to shore. And you thought all Dolphins go belly-up after Thanksgiving.
3. Don Shula: The NFL's all-time winningest coach threw some skyscraper shade at a contender for the throne, calling Patriots coach Bill Belichick (117 wins behind Shula) "Beli-cheat" in an interview this week. Shula, 85, has clearly reached the "I'm Keith Hernandez!" stage of his life.
It was a bad week for ...
1. Trent Richardson: The former No. 3 overall pick worked with the Colts' punt return team in practice this week. I think Jim Brown might have nailed this one.
2. Lions fans: When the President of the United States is referencing your plight to highlight the redemptive powers of the human spirit, you know something went very wrong in your playoff game.
3. Chris Christie: Shouldn't the governor of New Jersey know that people from the Tri-State Area openly loathe those in the region who self-identify as a Cowboys fan? This is the type of fandom that should be enjoyed in a soundproof basement in Trenton, not the owner's box at Jerrah World.
While we're here ...
I just needed to watch that again, because it remains one of the most surreal moments of the season. Jerry Jones says Christie brings good "mojo", and he wants the politician to join the team in Green Bay this weekend. If I were Christie, I'd troll out and go full-Shy Anderson right as Fox cuts to their suite for the first of 721 shots.
I still can't believe Christie got left hanging on a high 10. That's hard to do ...
What The What?
But things took a stranger turn this week when the players were shown a video of a tiger attacking a man. Yep, a straight-up human being.
"It was just like a normal person on a horse, and a tiger jumped in the air and grabbed him out of nowhere," cornerback Chris Harris said, via USA Today. "I had never seen that clip before. That's a pretty crazy clip."
Harris went on.
"It was kind of like a Go-Pro vision. Kind of like that," he said. "So you couldn't really see the guy, but you could see his arm just getting taken off."
I'm curious if Rog is OK with John Fox showing his players Faces Of Death videos. But there's an even more alarming scenario here: If the Broncos are showing humans being mangled before the Divisional Round of the playoff, what if they advance to the AFC Championship Game. Or, dear God no, the Super Bowl?
All I'm saying is, stay away from the Broncos' training complex. It's turning into an American Horror Story episode over there.
Watt The Watt?
"I even looked at the back of it and nothing," Candi Sanderfer said. "He's unstoppable, indestructible for sure."
Tweet of the week
It ain't PEDs. It's all about that Dad Strength.
Go big or go home (in a box) at Lambeau
The Packers will sell the above monster during Sunday's home game against the Cowboys. The "Big Game Burger" includes 3.5 pounds of meat and two types of jalapeño cheese toppings. The full list of ingredients:
If Aaron Rodgers' calf doesn't hold up on Sunday, this will be the perfect distraction while Matt Flynn is fouling everything up. A great opportunity to eat your feelings here.
Joe Buck, Master Jinx Artist
Joe Buck is so the guy in pool who places his cue stick back on the wall in an exaggerated manner and says things like, "Wow, that's a really nice win for you" seconds before you take your 8-ball shot.
Quote of the Week
"I know exactly what to wear. I know how many layers to wear every degree. I'm a f------ machine, man, I'm a f------ machine! C'mon baby!"
-- Tom Brady, whose mind might have been compromised by the vicious cold snap that's gripped the nation.
Move to California
Seriously, this ain't right:
The everlasting appeal of the Nature Boy
That's a stellar Ric Flair impression, Mr. Brown. So stellar in fact, that a radio station surprised the Colts' safety by putting him on the line with the Nature Boy himself this week.
Flair's continued relevance within NFL culture is a testament to perhaps the greatest schtick in the history of professional wrestling. Flair was hip-hop before hip-hop existed. He was ahead of his time, which explains why the 65-year-old is emulated by professional athletes young enough to be his grandchildren.
What you were doing when you should have been working
The Internet Archive -- a nonprofit digital archive -- added over 2,000 MS-DOS games and programs to its site this week. Chief among them was Oregon Trail, the game that introduced countless Gen Y kids to the concept of mortality in the late 80s and early 90s.
Which was all just a setup to share this:
Until next time ...
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