Fun at NFL Experience (2:35 p.m. local time)
Some of the greatest athletes in the world will square off in the Bay Area on Sunday in Super Bowl 50.
I'm also here.
Mike Mayock would call this "the type of athleticism that jumps off the screen." Bang the table, Mikey! Bang it!
Left Shark Sighting (2:15 p.m.)
I still don't quite get the Left Shark phenomenon.
One year ago yesterday, Katy Perry played the halftime show at Super Bowl XLIX. It was supposed to be the pinnacle of the pop star's career. Instead, a backup dancer in a shark costume stole the show.
Looking back on it, Left Shark wasn't that bad. Was he in perfect sync with Right Shark? Not really, but who's to say Right Shark wasn't the one botching the routine? It remains remarkable that in one of the most thrilling Super Bowls ever, the biggest story was Left Shark. It really says a lot about what the Super Bowl actually represents too much of the viewing audience.
Left Shark is on display at the NFL Experience in downtown San Francisco this week. Colleague Henry Hodgson -- taking in Left Shark by my side -- asked how much I thought it would go for in an auction. I threw out $50,000, but I guess I wouldn't be stunned if it went for 10 times that amount. It's a ridiculous costume with an absurd back story, but it has an undeniable place in Super Bowl lore.
"I don't think anybody on the team had any idea that Left Shark was going to become such a cultural phenomenon," Super Bowl halftime show director Hamish Hamilton recently told Entertainment Weekly, "We were trying to work out how we could bring a beach scene to life."
Not sure they pulled that off. But it did melt the Internet. This is notable!
Opening Night Costume Power Rankings (10:05 a.m.)
Media Day morphed into the hulking Super Bowl Opening Night on Monday, so it was good to see that some traditions from the annual event went unchanged. Like grown men dressing absurdly for the right to be noticed.
Yes, for the second time, here are my Costume Power Rankings from Super Bowl week's kickoff event:
10. Body Suit Guy
This was a big year for guys who wanted to creep everybody out with ill-fitting body suits. I mean, look at this guy. He's got a solid body. Probably watches what he eats, goes to the gym three or four days a week, and yet ... he ain't pulling this off. He'd probably get arrested if he walked by an elementary school.
9. Random Skier Guy
I'm not sure what this is about. I easily could have asked Random Skier Guy why he was walking around like this, and perhaps this is a basic journalistic failing on my part. But RSG runs into the same problem as Body Suit Guy. It's time to make the codpiece an official part of the Media Night uniform for those who insist on full-body spanx. Let's reintroduce modesty to the proceedings, people.
8. Pick Boy
Pick Boy has become a staple of Media Day/Night, even if he made his ascension into manhood approximately 20 years ago. I bumped Pick Boy up a spot because Nickelodeon gave him a new costume this season. One memorable aspect of the night was watching a hapless guy trail Pick Boy with a set of bongos and other props. He had a look on his face like he wanted to run into the wilderness and never be found.
7. Guy In Drag
Men dressing as women lost steam as a comedy device sometime around the release of 1984's Revenge Of The Nerds, but maybe this guy is just ahead of the curve on nostalgia? Anyway, he has a dad.
6. 'Is That Screech?' Guy
Did a double-take here because -- for a moment -- I thought this might actually be Saved By The Bell star Dustin Diamond. Then I thought to myself, "Can't be. Screech is literally in prison right now for stabbing a dude." True story!
ASIDE #1: Big ups to Gary Kubiak for rocking the Cool Dad look in a big spot on Monday night. When you know hundreds of cameras are going to be trained on you during a primetime telecast on NFL Network, it's the perfect time to break out your black jacket and dark gray Polo shirt. Essential Cool Dad outerware. And don't even get me started on that hair.
5. Godless Clown
Here in America, clowns are feared and loathed in equal measures due to their unquenchable thirst for the blood of children and drifters. As you can see above, the people of Mexico have been slow to understand this terrifying and unconquerable truth ... but they'll learn. They'll learn.
4. Hand Puppet Guys
I like the Hand Puppet Guys because they're all effort. For two hours, this team trudged around the arena floor working bits and burning through material. Respect the hustle. Relatedly, what is going on over at TV Azteca? Between these guys and the killer clown, I'm pretty much convinced the program director is on acid.
ASIDE #2: Lining the walls of a long hallway on the second level of the SAP Center was a collection of photos featuring music acts that have played at the facility since it opened in 1993. The SAP Center holds close to 18,000 people. Is there a possibility that Jason Mraz packed the SAP in '12? Really? This was -- by far -- the most surprising development of Opening Night for me.
3. Miss Universe
Let's be honest: If you're walking around wearing a crown in an earnest manner in 2016, you have to understand some people are going to view it as a costume. You thought I was going to make a hacky Steve Harvey joke there, didn't you? Can't pin me down!
2. Deeply Depressed Human Football
You see it don't you? Behind the kind eyes and goofy smile is a desperately lonely human football who doesn't think anyone will ever love him. Who thinks he'll never be good enough. Who thinks, deep down, everyone is judging him for being a year late on all the ball deflation jokes. You just want to give him a hug and tell him it's all going to be OK. Only ... you can't guarantee that. No one can.
1. Rocky The Leprechan
When you close your eyes, he'll be there.
