Many of you have questions about the Super Bowl. And I admit that sometimes I take it for granted that many of you might not be as involved with the day-to-day operations of the NFL as, say, I am. You all lead busy lives and have important things to do while I'm watching reruns of the "Tuck Rule" game over and over again. So that's cool.
Last year, I had my mother-in-law, Patty McGillicuddy, pepper me with some questions she had as a casual fan. It was good fun, but it did cause a problem at home. Because her husband (my father-in-law) wanted to be a part of the action, too. So this year, Vernon Montgomery McGillicuddy will be the one who will fire off the questions. (If you want a visual of what he looks like, just imagine what Daniel Bryan will look like in about 20 to 25 years.) Below is our transcript:
Vernon Montgomery McGillicuddy: Who is in the Super Bowl?
Adam Rank: The Denver Broncos and the Seattle Seahawks
*VMM: Was this expected? *
AR: Pretty much. Although, I have been doubting both teams all along. Most ardent football fans had these two teams in the Super Bowl.
VMM: Did the Broncos even lose a game this year?
AR: Actually, they finished 13-3.
VMM: Really? I thought with all of the talk about Peyton Manning this year, he hadn't lost a single game.
AR: He lost to the Chargers. On a game we watched together at A Slice of New York on a Thursday night in Week 15.
VMM: Oh, that's right. But nobody mentions that.
AR: Nobody ever mentions such things about Peyton Manning.
VMM: Why is that?
AR: It's not in my nature to be mysterious. But I can't talk about it. And I can't talk about why.
VMM: Has he ever won a Super Bowl?
AR: He beat the Chicago Bears in Super Bowl XLI.
VMM: And that's it?
AR: That's it.
VMM: They make it seem like he wins the Super Bowl every year.
AR: Well, he is the best in the regular season.
VMM: Didn't Denver have a kicker who broke the record for longest field goal ever?
AR: Yes, Matt Prater, he hit a 64-yarder this year.
VMM: Who held the record? Patty McGillicuddy (my mother-in-law) says it was George Blanda of the Raiders. Is she close?
AR: Eh. Sebastian Janikowski, Jason Elam of the Broncos, and Tom Dempsey all kicked 63-yard field goals.
VMM: At the same time?
AR: NO! Not at the same time.
VMM: Does the NFL have interleague play?
AR: It does.
AR: They have not played a regular season game against each other since 2010.
VMM: Have the Broncos won a Super Bowl since John Elway?
AR: The Broncos last win was Super Bowl XXXIII, when Elway was selected as the game's Most Valuable Player.
VMM: What is XXXIII?
AR: That's the Roman numeral for 33.
VMM: Isn't it about time they ditch the Roman numerals?
AR: It isn't in my nature to be mysterious. But I can't talk about it. And I can't talk about why.
VMM: Are the Seahawks coached by Pete Carroll?
AR: Yes they are.
VMM: I don't like him.
AR: Yes, as a Notre Dame fan, I get that. Do you have a question here?
VMM: What's the story with Richard Sherman?
AR: He went to Stanford. Graduated with a GPA above a 4.0. Considered the best in the game at his position right now.
VMM: Anything else?
AR: Watch this.
VMM: Oh, I like him now. I still don't like Pete Carroll.
AR: Noted. Again, is there a question here?
VMM: Have the Seahawks ever been to the Super Bowl?
AR: Yep, they were in Super Bowl XL and lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers.
VMM: What happened to the Steelers, I thought they used to be good?
AR: That is starting to seem like a long time ago.
VMM: Why do the Steelers have a logo on just one side of their helmet?
AR: Hey, remain focused, Vernon. This is about the Super Bowl.
VMM: Who are the teams that have never been to the Super Bowl?
AR: Cleveland Browns, Houston Texans, Jacksonville Jaguars and the Detroit Lions. But the Browns and Lions have won NFL championships.
VMM: What do you mean?
AR: The Browns and Lions both won titles in the 1950s. The Super Bowl didn't start until 1967, when the winners of the AFL and NFL collided for the first time. And really, the first two were known as the AFL-NFL championship games. It wasn't the Super Bowl until Super Bowl III. The name was suggested by Lamar Hunt after he saw his kids playing with a "Super" ball.
VMM: I was watching the college bowls this year, where is Ball State?
AR: Muncie, Indiana. It's the alma mater of David Letterman.
VMM: But there isn't a state called Ball is there?
AR: No, there isn't.
VMM: So how can you have a Ball State if it's not actually a state?
AR: Will you please get back on topic?
VMM: But how can you have a school called Ball State if there is no state called Ball?
AR: Are you finished?
VMM: Sorry I just don't get it. How was Ball State even in a bowl if I've never heard of it?
AR: Every college team makes a bowl. Even UNLV did this year.
VMM: So when is the Super Bowl?
AR: Sunday, February 2, 2014.
VMM: What time does the game start, again?
AR: Kickoff is 6:30 p.m. ET.
VMM: After the 12-hour pregame show, right?
AR: Something like that.
VMM: Is fantasy football still going on?
AR: Well, there is the Playoff Challenge, but that's it.
VMM: Are football players allowed to play fantasy?
AR: Yes, they are.
VMM: Did you end up winning the expert's league again?
AR: I did. But again, focus. This is about the Super Bowl.
Casual Fan's Guide to Super Bowl XLVIII
VMM: Where is the game this year?
AR: New York/New Jersey
VMM: Why does everybody only say it's going to be in New York?
AR: I don't know who those people are, but they are wrong.
VMM: Every telecast says the Super Bowl is coming to New York. But the stadium is in New Jersey.
AR: You're right. However, this isn't a question. At all.
VMM: I know, but it bugs me. The stadium is in New Jersey. Say it's in New Jersey.
AR: These are supposed to be frequently asked questions. Do you have another?
VMM: Do you even have clothes to wear for the cold?
AR: Well, I'm cold at 68 degrees, but I'll be good.
VMM: Why would they want a Super Bowl outside? That doesn't make any sense.
AR: Great venue, great fans. Snow games could be fun.
VMM: But isn't it a disadvantage to the players?
AR: Well, football has been geared to play in the elements. It's a part of the game.
VMM: So what's next, a Super Bowl in Green Bay?
AR: Not yet, but don't rule it out. Although, I can't imagine where people would stay if the Super Bowl was in Green Bay.
VMM: Maybe they can stay at Aaron Rodgers' house.
AR: Yeah, maybe.
VMM: Where did Rodgers go to college?
AR: California. Can we focus again?
VMM: It wasn't Ball State?
AR: Will you let that go?
VMM: Is there a contingency plan in place if there is a super storm or anything like that?
AR: There certainly is. We could have a Super Bowl Saturday or Super Bowl Monday.
VMM: Why don't they play the Super Bowl on Saturday so we can have a day to recover? And let me guess, it's not in your nature to be mysterious ...
AR: But I can't talk about it. And I can't talk about why.
VMM: What city has hosted the most games?
AR: Miami and New Orleans have each hosted the Super Bowl 10 times.
VMM: Where is next year's Super Bowl?
AR: Arizona.
VMM: What would happen if the Cardinals made it to the Super Bowl?
VMM: Well, there was little chance of that happening.
AR: That's true.
VMM: What channel is the game on?
AR: Fox. But what does this matter to you? Rosie McGee (his daughter/my wife) will have the game already on for you when you come over.
VMM: I know that, but I just want to know who is calling the game.
AR: It's Joe Buck.
VMM: Oh.
AR: What do you mean, oh?
VMM: No, he's fine. He's not my favorite. I like that guy who called the other game two weeks ago.
AR: Jim Nantz?
VMM: Yeah, I like him.
AR: Well, the Masters will be here soon enough.
VMM: Why do you always raise a toast for those Masters commercials?
AR: Because it's a tradition unlike any other.
VMM: Who is doing the halftime show?
AR: If you haven't figured that out yet, I'm not sure I can help you.
VMM: They advertise it all the time, but who is it?
AR: Bruno Mars with the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
VMM: The Red Hot Chili Peppers? Isn't that one of the bands you grew up with?
AR: Indeed. One of my favorites.
VMM: I bet you feel old now, don't you?
AR: Increasingly.
VMM: What are the uniform matchups?
VMM: Who is the referee?
AR: Not Ed Hochuli. Do you really care then?
VMM: Not really, he'd have to cover those guns anyway, so why bother?
AR: Indeed.
VMM: So who will win the game?
AR: Seahawks.
