Welcome to the Around The League End Around, a weekly look back at the world of the NFL. ATL's Dan Hanzus serves as your guide ...
These guys had a good week
1. Chip Kelly: Boy Man Genius (no, not that one) is one 45-17 win over the San Diego Chargers from Rocky Balboa status in Philly.
2. Dean Blandino: Ubiquitous NFL rules guy. Has a job in which he is never wrong. Completely and utterlyinfallible. Can relate to Alec Baldwin's "I am God" monologue in "Malice."
3. Wes Welker: How could he not get a kick out of the New England Patriots' offense on Thursday?
These guys didn't
1. Tom Brady: The Pats' crappy skill players managed to do the impossible Thursday night: They made me feel bad for QB12. Then I remembered he's Tom Brady. Also, the Pats are 2-0.
2. Tom Coughlin: We've seen the New York Giants coach red-in-the-face on the sideline before, but the man's head nearly exploded in Dallas. Six turnovers can do that I guess.
3. Tim Tebow: When an unsavory dinosaur rock band is the source of your most compelling job offer, things are grim.
Tweet of the week
Colts owner Jim Irsay made a hard push here with a vintage Irsay-y call to arms, but embattled Giants running back David Wilson takes it after his nightmare season debut:
Good for Wilson. Please tell me you weren't one of the people who actually tweeted at Wilson to tell him he ruined your fantasy team. If so, it's incredibly, incredibly important that you seek help.
What the What?
You know what's cool? When your team doesn't have a return man on the field when the opposition is in standard punt formation. You know what's even cooler? When said team does it twice in one night.
Hero of the Week
Battista: Week 2 primer
Will this be the final Manning Bowl? Can Robert Griffin III bounce back? Judy Battista studies this week's biggest subplots. **More ...**
Chip Kelly did it. We heard for months how the former Oregon savior was going to turn the NFL upside-down with his kinetic approach to offense. Then he went out and did it Monday night on the road against a Washington Redskins team many people picked to win the NFC East.
Perhaps teams will figure out a way to stop the Philadelphia Eagles. Perhaps Kelly will be mentioned in the same breath as the Wildcat five years from now. Right now, Kelly looks more Rolex than snap bracelet.
Villain(s) of the Week
This goes to Patriots fans in Foxborough, Mass., who booed while Jets defensive tackle Muhammad Wilkerson was down on the field late in the fourth quarter Thursday night. It was a reaction no doubt triggered by recent talk of players faking injuries to slow down fast-paced offenses. The NFL even sent out a memo about it.
Here's a news alert to those Pats fans. Nobody is scared of your team's offense right now. Seriously, were you even watching the game? Tom Brady would have been better off recruiting a Sully and an O'Brien from the parking lot.
Wilkerson -- the Jets' most promising young player, by the way -- was helped to the sidelines by two trainers, then carted off the field. If he was faking it, that was some serious Daniel-Day Lewis method stuff.
That's a bad job by you, Patriots fans.
Guest Rant
Every week, or every so often -- I'M STILL FIGURING THIS THING OUT -- I will invite someone to use this space as an opportunity to get something off his or her chest. Friend and ATL colleague Marc "The Sizzler" Sessler starts us off.
Cottage cheese annoys me. Mike Mularkey's hair annoys me. Poor salad-bar etiquette really annoys me ( ... you with me on this? Some jabroni wading from station to station in slow motion, sampling food from the bins like it's his own personal garden. Please.).
But atop of my list this week? Ndamukong Suh. I mentioned it on the podcast and I'll say it again here: After Sunday's hubbub, I've seen enough. Stomping linemen in the chest, cutting out men's legs and pegging signal-callers in a valuable region -- usually on Turkey Day, when grandmothers and toddlers gather as one to watch the Detroit Lions. Time to go, Mr. Suh.
My solution: Pack Ndamukong into a rocket ship with a couple ham sandwiches and send that vessel on a one-way trip to parts unknown. Result: Suh out of the news cycle forever. Call me The Fixer.
Don't be that guy
Debate: Most desperate for a win?
It's early, but history doesn't look favorably on 0-2 teams. Who needs a win the most? Matt Ryan and the Falcons? Let's debate! **More ...**
Speaking of Sessler, we co-own a fantasy team (adorable, right?) named ALISON BRIE in a league of NFL Media cronies. This morning, Marc and I had the following email exchange:
Starting running back for Alison Brie this week? Shane "My Wrist Exists In Theory Only" Vereen.
YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS UP.
WE ARE HUMAN TRASH.
Yep, we're the team in your league that leaves injured guys in the starting lineup ... in Week 2. Expletive deleted.
Read Option(al)
This is the space where I'll provide some links to great football writing in the past week. Guys, ingest this content so you can tell women you're "well-read." Plausible deniability.
» "They Were Right: I Miss the Game" -- Scott Fujita, The New York Times
A thought: There is a 97 percent chance Ray Lewis was absolutely miserable sitting on that ESPN set in Denver last Thursday night.
» "Pump The Brakes On The Black Quarterback Bandwagon" -- Bomani Jones, TheShadowLeague.com
A thought: Carolina Panthers QB Cam Newton was asked about this very topic on Wednesday, leading to the quote of the week: "You don't have a bar mitzvah just because you're starting an African-American quarterback in this league." He's right, by the way. You hold a bris.
» "Aaron Rodgers gets the upper hand in the 40 seconds between plays" -- Bob McGinn, The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
A thought: Loved the game-within-the-game peek here. Also love Rodgers' good-natured clowning of Green Bay Packers coach Mike McCarthy: "He's from Pittsburgh so he says everything very fast. You have to speak Pittsburgh to understand him."
Until next week ...
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