NFL QB Index, Week 7: HAIKU EDITION! Josh Allen reclaims No. 1 spot; Aaron Rodgers' slide continues

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.9 pct | 1,980 pass yds | 8.3 ypa | 17 pass TD | 4 INT | 257 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 5 fumbles

Arching over a

Kansas City defender

Into full wonder

2022 stats: 6 games | 65.9 pct | 1,736 pass yds | 7.6 ypa | 17 pass TD | 4 INT | 113 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble

If only my side

Arm rocket to MVS

Wasn’t penalized

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.8 pct | 1,514 pass yds | 8.2 ypa | 6 pass TD | 2 INT | 293 rush yds | 6 rush TD | 3 fumbles

They built a statue

For Foles. Four months away from 

A Jalen carving?

2022 stats: 6 games | 61.9 pct | 1,277 pass yds | 7.1 ypa | 13 pass TD | 6 INT | 451 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 3 fumbles

Betwixt the G-Men

I rumbled and roamed until

Thibodeaux thundered

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.1 pct | 1,716 pass yds | 6.7 ypa | 10 pass TD | 3 INT | 26 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble

Human tornado

Trapped inside hyper-milquetoast 

Bolts offensive scheme

2022 stats: 6 games | 67.2 pct | 1,652 pass yds | 6.7 ypa | 8 pass TD | 1 INT | -7 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 3 fumbles

Brady on edge. Red

Faced inside a drab field goal

Offense. Can’t blame Bruce

2022 stats: 6 games | 73.4 pct | 1,502 pass yds | 8 ypa | 9 pass TD | 2 INT |125 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 2 fumbles

The author of this 

Column giggled at me in 

August. Now he’s hushed

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.7 pct | 1,616 pass yds | 7.1 ypa | 12 pass TD | 5 INT | 110 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 3 fumbles

When Joe and Ja'Marr

Flip the switch, Bengals vibe as

AFC heavies

2022 stats: 6 games | 67 pct | 1,403 pass yds | 6.7 ypa | 9 pass TD | 3 INT | 9 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 5 fumbles

Agitated. Peeved.

Wait, is that New York Jets guy

Wearing a cheesehead?

2022 stats: 4 games | 69.6 pct | 1,035 pass yds | 9 ypa | 8 pass TD | 3 INT | 1 rush yd | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble

Back at the controls

Tua, Waddle and Cheetah

Aim to end Fins’ fall

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.2 pct | 1,502 pass yds | 6.6 ypa | 9 pass TD | 5 INT | 18 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 1 fumble

His name: Mr. Tease

White-hot quarters mixed with long

Stretches of deep sleep

2022 stats: 6 games | 65.1 pct | 1,463 pass yds | 5.8 ypa | 6 pass TD | 4 INT | 233 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 4 fumbles

“Rookie year, that is

probably the last time [bad

word] has felt this hard”

2022 stats: 5 games | 65.1 pct | 965 pass yds | 7.7 ypa | 6 pass TD | 3 INT | 23 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 1 fumble

For those thinking he’d 

Be bounced by now for Malik 

Willis: Tanny lives!

2022 stats: 5 games | 61.4 pct | 1,279 pass yds | 7 ypa | 8 pass TD | 4 INT | 69 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 2 fumbles

Earthlings: Prepare for

Run-heavy uprising with

Carr at motherboard

2022 stats: 6 games | 71.1 pct | 1,576 pass yds | 7 ypa | 6 pass TD | 8 INT | 7 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 4 fumbles

AT&T ads

Should be fewer. Pick-sixes

Should be fewer, too

2022 stats: 5 games | 63.5 pct | 1,153 pass yds | 7.8 ypa | 7 pass TD | 3 INT | 18 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 2 fumbles

Pick-free Jimmy G

Turns San Fran spicy. Pick-full

Jim sings songs of doom

2022 stats: 5 games | 59.7 pct | 1,355 pass yds | 7.3 ypa | 11 pass TD | 4 INT | 23 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 2 fumbles

Oft-adequate Goff

Lucky there are not thirty

Other Belichicks

2022 stats: 6 games | 67.3 pct | 1,021 pass yds | 6.4 ypa | 5 pass TD | 2 INT | 236 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 2 fumbles

Operating as

A Saquon Handoff Robot 

Who does just enough

2022 stats: 6 games | 61.3 pct | 1,055 pass yds | 7.7 ypa | 6 pass TD | 4 INT | 206 rush yds | 3 rush TD | 7 fumbles

I flung a TD

To Kyle Pitts. Time to chill

Fantasy nimrods

2022 stats: 3 games | 63.1 pct | 585 pass yds | 7 ypa | 3 pass TD | 1 INT | 7 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble

Glowing Red Ginger

Man: Basic skillz, achy back.

Attention: Taysom

2022 stats: 6 games | 65.5 pct | 1,397 pass yds | 6.9 ypa | 9 pass TD | 4 INT | 81 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 4 fumbles

Is there a franchise 

Hero beyond the flowing

Locks and hot/cold act?

2022 stats: 6 games | 58.6 pct | 1,442 pass yds | 7.3 ypa | 5 pass TD | 3 INT | 96 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 1 fumble

Fifteen depressing

Yards after halftime is not

What Denver paid for

2022 stats: 6 games | 67.2 pct | 1,765 pass yds | 7 ypa | 8 pass TD | 7 INT | 9 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 11 fumbles

Sad autumn brighter

After Matty Ice hurls a

Wild fifty-eight throws

2022 stats: 6 games | 62.1 pct | 1,489 pass yds | 6.4 ypa | 10 pass TD | 6 INT | 79 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 6 fumbles

Bum digit delays

Wentz quest to, you know, really 

Start to take command

2022 stats: 3 games | 66.3 pct | 514 pass yds | 6.2 ypa | 1 pass TD | 4 INT | 41 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 1 fumble

Mitchell zinged the Bucs

But Kenny’s tape tells tales of 

Hope when not concussed

2022 stats: 6 games | 60.2 pct | 1,326 pass yds | 6.4 ypa | 6 pass TD | 5 INT | 112 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 2 fumbles

Jacoby passes

Forty-five times. Chubb carries

Twelve. Pats explode Browns

2022 stats: 3 games | 56 pct | 572 pass yds | 7.6 ypa | 1 pass TD | 2 INT | 18 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 0 fumbles

The boy who will lead

The Baby Jets to playoff

Glory come winter

2022 stats: 3 games | 72.9 pct | 596 pass yds | 8.5 ypa | 4 pass TD | 1 INT | 1 rush yd | 0 rush TD | 3 fumbles

Belichickian

Wonderboy laughs at inane

And lost Browns defense

2022 stats: 6 games | 54.8 pct | 869 pass yds | 7.6 ypa | 4 pass TD | 5 INT | 282 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 7 fumbles

If you squint, you’ll see

Beauty between chapters of

Chicago tumult

2022 stats: 6 games | 57.7 pct | 1,020 pass yds | 6.5 ypa | 5 pass TD | 3 INT | 6 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 2 fumbles

Time for Jerrah to 

Leave a suitcase full of green

Bills in my locker

2022 stats: 5 games | 62.7 pct | 1,048 pass yds | 6.3 ypa | 5 pass TD | 4 INT | 2 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 4 fumbles

Mills’ big audition

Falling flat. Caserio’s

Wandering eye glows

2022 stats: 2 games | 68.2 pct | 120 pass yds | 5.4 ypa | 0 pass TD | 0 INT | -1 rush yd | 0 rush TD | 0 fumbles

Gnarliest job in

Charlotte. Will Walker be stripped

Of McCaffrey, too?