Hopefully you aren't a fish sandwich enthusiast living in Pittsburgh this weekend.
Primanti Bros., the iconic Pittsburgh chain famous for its sandwiches piled with French fries and coleslaw on top of different proteins, will not offer fish as a choice in any of its 37 locations in and around the Iron City ahead of Sunday's matchup between the Steelers and Miami Dolphins, the Associated Press reported.
I know what you're thinking: 'BUT, BUT, BUT, Dolphins are MAMMALS, not fish.'
Apparently the restaurant is practicing oceanic discrimination against all who have a similar living environment to Dolphins, regardless of biological class.
Toni Haggerty, the longtime cook at the original Primanti Bros. location, told the AP she couldn't bring herself to make a fish sandwich while the Dolphins are in town.
Haggerty noted she won't support "anything that comes from the ocean."
Again I know what you're thinking: 'This is the stupidest story I'll read today.' You're not wrong, but I thank you for making it this far anyway.