Welcome to the Around The NFL End Around, a weekly look back at the world of the National Football League. Dan Hanzus serves as your guide.
It was a good week for ...
1. Rex Ryan: The Bills coach went back to New York and got his win. This has to be even better than the Snoopy Trophy.
2. Wes Welker: The diminutive wide receiver got his wish for an NFL return when the Rams signed him this week. The concussion risks are real, but I'd do anything to escape changing the diapers of infant twins, too.
3. Men in the market for top hair product:Andy Dalton spoke about his increasingly famous hair game Thursday, but refused to reveal what product he has been using to give his flaming follicles that extra hold. This is selfish. Dalton = Not Elite.
It was a bad week for ...
1. Eddie Lacy:Fantasy football's No. 1 heartbreaker has lost his grip on the starting job in Green Bay. All your buddies that were saying, "Good pick, safe pick" are liars who cannot be trusted.
2. Colorblind dudes: The NFL's Thursday night "Color Rush" debut wasn't just a misplaced Christmas pageant between the Jets and Bills. It also made the act of watching football impossible for the small but significant segment of the population that suffers from red-green colorblindness. The NFL is looking into the issue after a deserved backlash.
3. Andrew Luck: "Lacerated kidney and abdominal tear" is high up on our Gross Combo-Injury Power Rankings.
The NFL has reached its zenith
And we have DeSean Jackson and Jay Gruden's swollen pink nipple to thank for it. Thanks guys.
Some might see this as a sign that Gruden doesn't command respect in the Redskins' locker room, but did you know that Vince Lombardi couldn't take the field for a game unless Bart Starr gave him a purple nurple?
I mean, I completely made that up, but it seemed plausible, right?
Mike Zimmer forever
Mike Zimmer can coach my team any day. Zimmer -- mic'd for sound on Sunday -- went appropriately apoplectic when Rams cornerback Lamarcus Joyner knocked out Teddy Bridgewater with a cheap shot while the Vikings quarterback was sliding to the turf.
We sincerely urge you to watch the entire video (Zimmer really is a beautiful maniac), but special attention should be paid to Zimmer's immediate reaction to the Joyner hit. You'll find that at the 2:03 point.
"F--- me! F--- you!"
Nashville says goodbye to Clipboard Jesus
They say nothing lasts forever, and now we know that to be true after the Titans waived backup quarterback Charlie Whitehurst. It wasn't so long ago that Whitehurst was of Nashville's 25 Most Beautiful People, according toNashville Lifestyles. Now -- almost impossibly -- he's old news.
The Colts were wise enough to pluck Whitehurst off the street shortly after his release. Just know Titans, Nashville and the entire greater Tennessee area, you will live to regret the decision to kick Jesus out of town.
Beast Mode does it again
Last year, we applauded Marshawn Lynch for taking the time to personally return a lost wallet to its owner. Now, he's brought a smile to a McDonald's employee who was handed $500 by the Seahawks star.
"I told him I liked his shoes -- navy blue Buscemis -- and how I wanted to buy a pair and we all started talking," Terrance Downs, a 17-year-old employee at the Dallas-area restaurant told TMZ Sports.
That's when Lynch took out the Benjamins.
Said Beast Mode: "If you're serious about getting those shoes, here's some money to help you get 'em. My job is to continue to see you grow."
Marshawn Lynch = Elite!
What the what?
The Unintentional Comedy Gods denied me my rightful opportunity to watch the Marshawn Lynch biopic, which is buried deeper than The Day The Clown Cried. I will not be denied again on the subject of Ray Lewis' debut album. It will see the light of day, and I will listen to it and offer up a detailed review to you, the reader.
This is my solemn promise. Mama, if you hear me, I'm sorry for the pain.
By the way, I could definitely picture a Boogie Nights-type of a vibe for the poor sound engineer during Ray Ray's recording sessions. John Harbaugh is clearly Reed Rothchild in this scenario.
Bill Belichick cares not for your midseason report cards
"That's great, but honestly, I don't think anybody is really focused on that," Belichick said Wednesday when asked about the good press being rained upon Tom Brady for his strong start. "We're focused on the Giants (rather than) some midseason report card. Like, who cares? What difference does it make? Give me an F. Give me a C-plus. It doesn't matter. Right now I'm focused on the Giants. That's all I really care about."
Sometimes you just want to give ol' Bill the biggest purple nurple ever, don't you?
Poor Geno
Here's an actual back and forthJets backup quarterback Geno Smith had with a reporter on Wednesday, two days after Rex Ryan -- in a total jerk move, by the way -- named IK Enemkpali (a.k.a. The Guy Who AssaultedGeno Smith) a team captain ahead of Thursday night's game between the Bills and Jets.
It appears society is intent on stripping Geno Smith of all remaining dignity and self-esteem.
Quote of the Week, Part I
"My left didn't feel the same as my right so I'm trying to become ambidextrous. It's something I've been trying recently, to get my left hand intact with the rest of my body. This was finding a way to be better."
-- Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr., who must be getting close to running out of things to be good at.
Hero of the Week: Monte Gaddis
The man standing in the photo above is Monte Gaddis, a Cleveland native who decided the best way to earn a shot with his hometown Browns was to stand in front of the team facility until they gave it to him.
Here he is on Day 2, standing in the rain:
And finally, Day 3:
Gaddis' patience paid off. Browns general manager Ray Farmer approached Gaddis and the two had a conversation. It ended with Farmer requesting Gaddis to submit some game tape to the team's personnel department. The local media also picked up on Gaddis' quest, turning him into a certified big thing in the city.
"It's crazy to see your dreams right in front of you, but I'm ready to turn up on that field," Gaddis wrote. "THANK YOU for the support from EVERYONE. This was more than just me showing how hungry I am for an NFL opportunity. Using social networks, was an outlet to show my city #Cleveland how we can support positive moves!! We know what goes on in the city, I went viral without being naked, in jail or dead. I could of did this without pictures, this not for fame! I REALLY WANT THIS."
What do the Browns have to lose? Sign this man! The NFL needs its own Rudy.
Until next time ...
