Welcome to the Around The NFL End Around, a weekly look back at the world of the National Football League. Dan Hanzus serves as your guide.
It was a good week for ...
1. Aaron Rodgers: This might sound crazy, but has anyone ever played the quarterback position better than Aaron Rodgers is right now? He's the MVP frontrunner after Sunday night's massacre of the Bears.
2. Rex Ryan:It cost him, but the Jets coach tasted sweet victory for the first time in two months against the Steelers. Now all he needs to do is win six more to (maybe) keep his job.
3. Dez Bryant: No matter what the Cowboys might be up to behind the scenes, let there be no doubt that Bryant is in control of his contract negotiations. His "don't test my loyalty" proclamation was a hammer drop that sent a very loud message.
It was a bad week for ...
1. Carson Palmer: Palmer has played 12 seasons in the NFL. His best teams in that time were the 2005 Bengals and 2014 Cardinals. He tore his ACL both years. That's why he cried.
2. Justin Bieber: The millennial's answer to Vanilla Ice continued his sports hex world tour with a random visit to a Steelers worship service.
3. Santonio Holmes: The former Super Bowl MVP's steady fall from grace is complete after being dropped by the Bears. Holmes' NFL career is likely over.
What The What?
Imagine you're this guy. Let's call him Carl, because clearly, he's a Carl. You're minding your own business at a football game when a bird -- nay, a freaking hawk -- dive-bombs at your head and digs its razor talons into your scalp. If you're Carl, are you more upset by this unprovoked attack or the fact that everyone in your section is laughing at your misfortune?
The great winged beast is trying to scoop brain, chuckleheads. It wants to find a field mouse in Carl's cerebral cortex. What is so entertaining about that?
Apology not accepted, Taima ... if that's even your real name.
Tweet of the week
I'd love to know what constitutes a #DHallTuesday. This is an impressive third-person achievement.
Kiko In The Kitchen, Part 2
Two weeks ago, we watched in slack-jawed amazement as Alonso prepared his signature Chunky No-Cook Buffalo Chicken Dip®. It was weird. Now, Kiko shows how to prepare another Alonso house favorite: Chicken Quesadilla Dip.
There are so many things I love about these videos, from the kitchen that looks like a set from a defunct TBS sitcom, to the suggestion that Chunky soup should be eaten without being cooked, to Kiko's delivery, which has a flat, hostage-like cadence.
Next time, they should have him hold up a newspaper and proclaim that the Chunky people are treating him well but must be taken seriously.
Thanks for the nightmare fuel, Mario!
No, that's not a photo of Mario Williams when he learned his fiancée wasn't going to return that $800K engagement ring. This screen grab from Thursday night reminds me of that one demonic clown from the American Horror Story: Freak Show opening credits. I will never sleep again.
Quote of the Week
"When I got pushed out the door, or shoved out the door, they owed me $5 million dollars and that's what I received. And I'm planning on taking one of those vacations from that money this weekend on our bye week."
-- Steve Smith, tweaking the Panthers (again) while giving his kids an all-access pass to the hotel mini-fridge
The prodigal son returns
The son of Browns wide receiver Andrew Hawkins has been welcomed home. Humbled, the boy now understands where his rooting allegiances must lie.
Tony Siragusa, ambassador from the United States of America
I just can't.
So you want to be an NFL player?
They would amputate that thing during the Civil War.
Hero of the Week: Brock Osweiler
On Sunday, Brock Osweiler inadvertently pulled back the curtain and gave us a glimpse into the frustration that comes with being Peyton Manning's understudy.
Osweiler said the right things afterward, but how amazing would it have been if he stepped up to the podium and ripped into Manning for being a selfish teammate who only looks out for No. 18? It makes you wonder what John Elway and Papa John would talk about during their long drive to the middle of the desert.
Villain of the Week: Twitter goons
Are you one of the people who tweeted vileness at Marc Trestman's two daughters after the Bears' loss to the Packers? If so, you're the worst. You will never find true love and there is poison inside you. The Bears stink. Trestman might not be cut out for the job. But going after his family is some next-level creep show stuff.
I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.
Until next time ...
The latest Around The NFL Podcast previews every Week 11 game and recaps the Dolphins' key victory over the Bills. Find more Around The NFL content on NFL NOW.
