Every Friday, Dan Hanzus looks back at the week that was in the NFL. This is the End Around ...
For the last three summers, Antonio Brown has arrived at Steelers camp in a custom Rolls Royce sedan. He took things to another level this week with a chopper arrival. Cool move, though it's hard to say where he goes from here. Any mode of ground transport moving forward will seem like a step backward. (Besides the Batmobile, obviously.) Couple ideas: What if Brown shot himself out of a cannon and into a safety net, like a 1940s circus performer? I'd respect that ... the Steelers might be less enthused. Or you could subvert the exercise entirely and arrive barefoot, unkempt and filthy like John Wall at the Team USA Basketball Camp. Maybe even carry one of those hobo sticks with the little blanket at the end of it. Anyway, I've got a bunch of ideas, AB. Hit me up.
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At least Kirk Cousins can sleep at night knowing he hasn't been forgotten by his former teammates. And no, Vikings fans, there's absolutely nothing to worry about. When's the last time something didn't go to plan for your lot?
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This is an amazing way to look at life. No matter how bad things seem to be going -- your significant other dumps you, your boss is out to get you, your dog is lost, you have an embarrassing rash -- you can look at yourself in the mirror and say: Did I go to jail today? No. No I did not. Not even a little.
Dante Fowler has an incredible perspective on human nature.
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You might have to go back to the salad days of Kanye to find a hip-hop artist who has captured the NFL zeitgeist with more gusto than Meek Mill over the last year. Anyway, Andrew Luck throwing the football is great. It's funny, his extended inaction seemed to have sparked a collective realization from all football fans loosely translated like so: Hey, we like that guy. He's a fun pigskin hurler. Come back, please. And if you're a Colts fan? This is Jesus moving the stone and stepping into the morning sunlight.
A collection of replies to the above video:
» It feels like Christmas Day I got chilllllllllzzz.
» My levels of arousal are increasing. (Ed. note: Gross.)
» Beautiful!
» Me likey.
» Mecânica ainda um pouco travada, movimento está um pouco lento. Ainda assim: que alegria!! O processo está acontecendo!
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This is not helping the narrative that Ryan Tannehill is a humanoid incapable of producing complex acts of emotion.
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Joe Thomas was one of the greatest left tackles in NFL history, so perhaps it shouldn't be a total surprise the former Browns rock is now team captain of the Former NFL Lineman Who Retire And Immediately Drop A Ton Of Weight All-Stars. Thomas -- who's already down 50 pounds since his March retirement -- has the now familiar backstory: To maintain his massive, 300-plus pound physique as a player, he had to gorge himself on food. Our buddy Will Brinson asked Thomas his go-to "calorie bomb": "Back when I used to practice ... I used to drink two big glasses of whole milk and a sleeve of thin mint Girl Scout cookies before bed just to get enough calories in the day to maintain weight."
NFL Media colleague Shaun O'Hara is another dude who dropped a ton of weight the second he stepped away from the gridiron. When I see O'Hara in our shared food commissary, I am always vaguely annoyed by how much tighter his bod is than mine. That's my issue, of course.
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This would have been the perfect time for a Zach Galifianakis-type embedded with the media to pose a hyper-specific follow-up question on the matter.
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Although the chronology doesn't quite match up, I like to imagine a teenaged Kyle bumping Weezy in his room until an exhausted and angry Mike Shanahan pounds the door and demands his son to "turn that rap crap off". Months later, the young Shanahan is opening Christmas gifts and is shocked to discover he's suddenly the owner of a brand new Led Zeppelin box set. "Now that's real music," a pleased Mike will offer before taking a pull from his decaf. The gift will reside in the back of Kyle's closet -- still in its original packaging -- for the next nine years.
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Speaking of out-of-touch but well-meaning fathers ...
This same 10-year-old son had to go to school the next day. I'm sure that was awesome.
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Never ever, ever, ever stop asking Bill Belichick about Malcolm Butler and Super Bowl LII. The amount of bravery and total disregard for self-preservation by Shaughnessy is breathtaking. Something tells me that a journalist with a lower profile -- Shaughnessy is something of a regional institution -- would not be permitted to leave the Patriots complex. A lifetime sentence of making vanity Patriots-centric license plates (BRADYROX. GOTRINGZ. EDELYUM11. GRONK4EVA69.) for the entire New England area. Haven't you ever wondered what happened to the ball boys?
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Once you become a parent, you quickly learn to accept the fact that 30 percent of your self-worth from that point onward is to clean up after your children. Though I don't believe it's their primary intention to make a Godzilla-sized mess, kids will destroy any room they inhabit in less than 18 minutes. Your job as a parent is to see certain things before they happen, peak Peyton Manning style, and quickly remove items that can be shattered, cracked or otherwise compromised, thus avoiding a painstaking sanitation process. Success is rare.
So I can't look at images like a giant pile of sand spread on the floor without immediately thinking to myself, "That is going to be *so annoying to clean up."* It's parental OCDPTSD ... and it's terrible.
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This is an incredible idea and I'm not sure why someone didn't think of it sooner. And if you don't think "Hard Knocks" is going to be all over this, you don't know the beats of that particular documentary series.
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That's not cool, guys. Let Drew in!
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We've all been touched by cancer in one way or another. Last year, the Around The NFL Podcast team got an up close and personal look at the disease as our friend Chris Wesseling bravely fought (and beat) esophageal cancer. The cancer struggle for Bills great Jim Kelly has been arduous -- and like Wess -- Kelly chose to make his battle a public one. On Wednesday, Jim's wife Jill shared the great news that the latest tests have revealed no signs of cancer in his body. Let's keep it that way.
Follow Dan Hanzus on Twitter @danhanzus. Send him questions for his next mailbag using the hashtag #DotComMailbag.
