Welcome to the Around The NFL End Around, a weekly look back at the world of the National Football League. Dan Hanzus serves as your guide.
It was a good week for ...
1. Andy Dalton: The Glowing Gingerman is, um, kind of a great quarterback. Everything is different now.
2. Todd Gurley:Five games in and he's already in the Hall of Fame!
3. Nonagenarians: 90-year-old Martha Ford restructured the front office of the Lions with a wave of the hand, then delivered a blink-and-you'll-miss-it press conference that had everything but a mic drop.
It was a bad week for ...
1. Lions fans: You're starting over ... again. You deserve better.
2. Jim Caldwell: Poor Jim, he's lamest of the lame ducks. He might as well coach with his stuff in a cardboard box on the sideline.
3. Colin Kaepernick: Getting benched for Blaine Gabbert is about as bad as it gets.
I can't shake the feeling that ODB knows the camera is on him
The little moment at the end with Eli slays me. Speaking of Manning brothers ...
Throwback Thursday On A Friday
As someone who lived it, I can attest that the outfit Manning is wearing in this 1998 interview with the late Steve Sabol was considered fashionable at the time. The late 90s were weird like that. I mean, it wasn't cool, per se, but wearing baggy khakis with an Aeropostale button down was standard white dude attire at the time.
For further evidence, please consult the crazy person who posted a video of every opening credits sequence in the history of Dawson's Creek.
The exact moment I knew the Browns had no chance on Thursday
I'm kidding, but Johnny Football needs to a) wear a seatbelt and b) have a conversation with his lady -- a civil, sober conversation that doesn't involve the authorities -- about the pitfalls of social media.
FYI, Manziel's jam is "Jumpman", off the the new Drake and Future album.
And here's Manziel doing his best Ronaldo impression after his touchdown pass against the Bengals. There is a certain sadness to the solidarity of the celebration:
An update on Dallas Bryant
We told you a couple weeks back about Dez Bryant's new pet, a capuchin named Dallas. Turns out that PETA is not super pumped about a monkey living with a multi-millionaire football player who travels on business every other week.
"Monkeys belong in the wild -- not in the hands of football players who acquire exotic animals just to make a splash on Instagram," says PETA Foundation Deputy Director of Captive Animal Law Enforcement Brittany Peet. (Ed. note: Burn.) "This baby capuchin was torn away from his mother shortly after birth and needs special care that can now only be provided by wildlife experts who will be able to ensure that he gets the love and attention he deserves."
Damn, PETA always knows how to drop the hammer. Local authorities are "aware of Dez Bryant's alleged illegal possession of a Capuchin monkey within the city limits of DeSoto, TX," but don't have proof that Dallas is in Dez's home. Case closed ... for now.
We'll give Jerry Jones the final word here.
What the what?
In the video above, you'll see Reggie Bush slipping on bare concrete and sliding into a wall. The result of the spill was a torn knee ligament and the premature end of his 2015 season. The incident came one week after Browns quarterback Josh McCown jammed his shoulder after being shoved out of bounds and into the wall.
I know the Edward Jones Dome may not have too many more NFL games to host, but you would think this should still be addressed before somebody else gets hurt. Between the fire turf and concrete death trap, the Edward Jones Domes is beginning to take on the look of a final level in Super Mario Bros.
How many Tom Brady jerseys does a fan need?
My only theory on how Brady's jersey can still be this popular: He's been around long enough that people have grown out of or worn out their Tom Brady jersey purchases in a prior decade. That's a pretty great indicator of career achievement when you think about it.
Tweet of the Week
I just want to say Daunte Culpepper was a really good quarterback for awhile there. You don't hear his name come up often when talking about stars cut down by injuries in their prime. Get your roll on this weekend.
Let's check in with an old friend ...
Jim is going to keep the staff of an assisted living facility very busy one day.
The top celebrations from kicker/punters of the week
Giants punter Brad Wing:
Ravens kicker Justin Tucker:
Points to Wing for originality and easy cool. Props to Tucker for a camaraderie-building "Hotline Bling" reference.
(That's two Drake references in today's End Around. Congrats, Aubrey.)
#KeepOnSucking
Todd Gurley is the best young running back on the planet, blessed with ability that could make him both a perennial All-Pro and a valuable commodity on Madison Avenue. For now, he's just another rookie taking any paycheck that comes his way. It makes you wonder if Michael Jordan had a regrettable partnership with Bartles & Jaymes before Nike came calling.
Quote of the Week
"I tell you what, I got some time on my hands. I could be there Sunday, playing the Philadelphia Eagles. I think I can line 'em up, throw for about 300, 400 yards. Get Witten open, get Dez working. A lot of underneath routes. Give McFadden the ball a few times. Maybe do a little end-around, fake the reverse pitchout, let me run downfield and Darren can throw me the ball. About 60 yards out, catch it in full stride and boom, spike it over the damn goalpost. ... Y'all saw me catch all those beers all those years -- damn-near never dropped any of them. You know how much money I could have made playing professional football as a tight end? But I can't jump and I can't run fast. That was my problem."
-- "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Cowboys fan and Uncle Rico descendant
Until next time ...
