Picking winners for Week 9 NFL games

Each week, the Around The League writer with the worst record in picks has to write our introduction. This week, that man is Dan Hanzus.

Damn the Dallas Cowboys.

The excruciating losses never seem to end, do they? They took me along for the heartbreaking ride during Sunday's killer loss to the Detroit Lions, Matthew Stafford's high-pitched screams matching the pitch frequency of my wails of sorrow.

I've picked the Cowboys incorrectly in five out of eight weeks. Add that to my Giants pundit apocalypse (six failures out of eight tries), and you have the main culprits behind my lowly place in the standings.

The Champion Of The Underdog® needs to get a grip on middling members of the NFC East before it's too late.

BENGALS AT DOLPHINS (Thurs., 8 p.m. ET, NFL Network)

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Kevin Patra, Chris Wesseling

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Dan Hanzus, Gregg Rosenthal, Marc Sessler

CHIEFS AT BILLS (Sun., 1 p.m. ET, CBS)

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Dan Hanzus, Gregg Rosenthal, Marc Sessler, Chris Wesseling

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Kevin Patra

FALCONS AT PANTHERS (Sun., 1 p.m. ET, FOX)

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We're sure Team ATL knows that the Falcons have won five of their last six games against the Panthers.

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Dan Hanzus, Kevin Patra, Gregg Rosenthal, Marc Sessler, Chris Wesseling

VIKINGS AT COWBOYS (Sun., 1 p.m. ET, FOX)

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It's probably not good when you're ranked 29th in total offense and 30th in total defense.

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Dan Hanzus, Kevin Patra, Gregg Rosenthal, Marc Sessler, Chris Wesseling

SAINTS AT JETS (Sun., 1 p.m. ET, FOX)

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Dan Hanzus, Kevin Patra, Gregg Rosenthal, Marc Sessler, Chris Wesseling

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We're sure Team ATL is smart enough to know that Rex Ryan is undefeated against Rob Ryan as both a coordinator and head coach (4-0).

TITANS AT RAMS (Sun., 1 p.m. ET, CBS)

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Dan Hanzus, Kevin Patra, Gregg Rosenthal, Marc Sessler, Chris Wesseling

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This will be the first time Jeff Fisher faces the Titans as coach of the Rams, so there's that.

CHARGERS AT REDSKINS (Sun., 1 p.m. ET, CBS)

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Kevin Patra, Gregg Rosenthal, Marc Sessler

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Dan Hanzus, Chris Wesseling

EAGLES AT RAIDERS (Sun., 4:05 p.m. ET, FOX)

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Gregg Rosenthal, Marc Sessler

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Dan Hanzus, Kevin Patra, Chris Wesseling

BUCCANEERS AT SEAHAWKS (Sun., 4:05 p.m. ET, FOX)

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It hasn't been a good season for Florida's pro football teams ... the Buccaneers are 0-7, the Jaguars are 0-8 and the Dolphins have lost four consecutive games.

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Dan Hanzus, Kevin Patra, Gregg Rosenthal, Marc Sessler, Chris Wesseling

RAVENS AT BROWNS (Sun., 4:25 p.m. ET, CBS)

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Dan Hanzus, Kevin Patra, Gregg Rosenthal, Chris Wesseling

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Marc Sessler

STEELERS AT PATRIOTS (Sun., 4:25 p.m. ET, CBS)

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Once upon a time, this showdown potentially might determine home-field advantage in the AFC playoffs.

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Dan Hanzus, Kevin Patra, Gregg Rosenthal, Marc Sessler, Chris Wesseling

COLTS AT TEXANS (Sun., 8:30 p.m. ET, NBC)

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Dan Hanzus, Kevin Patra, Gregg Rosenthal, Marc Sessler

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Chris Wesseling

BEARS AT PACKERS (Mon., 8:40 p.m. ET, ESPN)

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The Packers have owned the Bears of late, winning the last five matchups and eight of the last 10.

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Dan Hanzus, Kevin Patra, Gregg Rosenthal, Marc Sessler, Chris Wesseling

Week 8 record

Kevin Patra: 11-2
Chris Wesseling: 11-2
Gregg Rosenthal: 10-3
Marc Sessler: 9-4
Dan Hanzus: 8-5

Season record

Gregg Rosenthal: 83-37
Chris Wesseling: 79-41
Kevin Patra: 78-42
Marc Sessler: 73-47
Dan Hanzus: 72-48

First-place finishes

Gregg Rosenthal: 3
Kevin Patra: 3
Chris Wesseling: 3
Dan Hanzus: 1
Marc Sessler: 1

Last-place finishes

Dan Hanzus: 3
Kevin Patra: 2
Marc Sessler: 2
Gregg Rosenthal: 1
Chris Wesseling: 1

Hero picks*

Gregg Rosenthal: 5
Dan Hanzus: 4
Marc Sessler: 3
Kevin Patra: 2
Chris Wesseling: 1

* Only person to pick a game right.

Around The League experts made their picks for the Week 9 games. You can make your own picks with the NFL Weekly Pick 'em fantasy game.

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Follow Lyle the Around The League intern on Twitter @InternLyle.