As of last Sunday, a little after 11 a.m. here in Los Angeles, my fantasy season ended. That's when Aaron Rodgers went out with a concussion, taking my last hope for a title with him.
On the plus side, it's freed me up to focus on other things -- mainly, how disgusted I am by this latest Patriots' surge. So how 'bout -- just like that stocking you'll dig into next week while sitting fireside in your footie pajamas -- we crack open my coherent brain to see what's in there:
I don't know what we did to deserve this piece of coal in our stocking, but the Pats are the NFL's best team, and it ain't even close. In the last several weeks, they've emasculated the Bears, Jets and Steelers. Actually, "emasculated" isn't the right verb, because none of those wins seemed to be predicated on physically destroying the other team. Matter of fact, each had an almost bloodlessly efficient quality. It's all just seemed so ... easy. It's like an '80s gamer who knew the cheat code to get the invincibility star on "Super Mario Brothers." Sorry, my use of "video" and "cheat" in association with the New England Patriots is purely coincidental. I'm not suggesting the Patriots are cheating. This season.
If you dislike the Patriots, then you oughta be rooting for the Raiders to win their last three games. Why? Because, as you may recall, the Raiders gave up their first round pick in the 2011 Draft in exchange for Richard Seymour. If the season ended right now, New England would have the fourteenth overall pick (which isn't nearly as good as we all expected it'd be when the deal was struck just before the '09 kickoff). However, I have it on good authority that the league is not planning on ending the season right now, so ... go Raiders!
Speaking of the 2011 Draft, there are at least two quarterbacks (Andrew Luck, Jake Locker) and maybe three (Cam Newton) who are potentially "franchise QBs." Based on the way the first several slots are likely to line up, it's gonna be very interesting to see which also-ran teams try to grab the next Sam Bradford or Matt Ryan. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm almost positive the NFL is go through with the last three weeks of the regular season, but as of right now, here's how the top eight looks:
- Carolina -- Would they really draft a QB here, one season removed from getting Jimmy Clausen? I know I would. The Panthers are gettin' Andrew Luck-y! (If you think that crack is tired now, just wait 'til the draft.)
- Cincinnati -- they clearly need to replace Carson Palmer (and probably his brother, too)... but they're the Bengals, a.k.a. -- the team that didn't realize they needed to replace Palmer before this season.
- Denver -- I'm sure whoever takes over would like to erase Josh McDaniels' wasting of last year's first-rounder on Tim Tebow, but what's done is done. Between Tebow, Kyle Orton and Brady Quinn, the Broncos won't take a QB.
- Detroit -- For better or worse, in sickness and in health, they're stuck with Matthew Stafford ... at least for one more season.
- Buffalo -- Ryan Fitzpatrick is a nice story and all, but c'mon ... they need to grab one of the big-armed kids. My hunch is that Chan Gailey will spend the winter saying nice things about Fitzpatrick, but come spring he'll take Locker.
- Arizona -- I know Newton isn't projected to be a top-ten pick, but Ken Whisenhunt needs to roll the dice. In spite of that near-Super Bowl win a couple years ago, he hasn't exactly created a desert dynasty.
- Dallas -- I guess I'm in the minority, but Tony Romo has had more than enough time to get over the top ... and hasn't. Cut bait.
- San Francisco -- Awfully grim to be a Niners fan going into another season with Alex Smith as your best option. Unfortunately for them, if the GMs of the above listed teams have the good sense to listen to the noted personnel guy named Me, all three of the aforementioned collegians will be gone by this spot.
Of course, drafting a QB at or near the top the draft is a fairly risky proposition (JaMarcus!), but no more so than any other position. Likewise, while I still consider fantasy football to be won or lost based on the quality of one's running backs, the cliché that the NFL is "a quarterbacks' league" happens to be true.
Back to those Patriots for a second. Why is it that football fans seem to collectively dislike the Pats so much? As a Steelers fan, I obviously resent them for the deep wounds they inflicted upon me in those 2001 and 2004 AFC Championship Games. But what about everyone else's hatred? Sure, any dynasty is gonna resented -- there's a reason why we liked seeing Frodo and his Danny Woodhead-sized friends topple Sauron in "Lord of the Rings" -- but doesn't it seem that New England is even less popular than their historical peers?
I realize Spygate cast a pall over everything they achieved in the first decade of the still-new century, but in a lot of ways, the Patriots are a natural fit as America's team. After all, they wear red, white and blue and are named after the men who gave this country our liberty. In their first Super Bowl appearance, they eschewed the tradition of being introduced individually in favor of selflessly hitting the field as one unit. They don't talk trash -- much. The team's been cobbled together from no-names, rejects and late-round draft picks ... including their ruggedly handsome quarterback. Speaking of whom, Tom Brady is exceptionally likeable, save the occasional "up yours" spikes in the end zone near completion of another blowout. Matter of fact, the most offensive thing he's done in recent years was to insult his own fans by going out in public in a Yankees cap. We love Joe Namath for tomcatting his way around Manhattan in his younger days. Well, then shouldn't we all hail Brady, who chose between a supermodel and an exceptionally foxy actress? I don't ask these questions rhetorically; I really don't know the answers. My guess, though, is that it has everything to do with the Hooded One, Bill Belichick. Behind the scenes, he's regarded as a delight. Publically, though, he's a humorless, cryptic, shade-above-morose mystery wrapped in scarves and fabric swatches -- and on a team that prefers to be about the group rather than one individual, the coach becomes the personification of the team. Too bad.
It may be crass to say this, but I don't like the fact that whenever someone dies -- no matter how awful a human being they were -- most people feel compelled to eulogize them as a terrific human being. Brett Favre is not dead, just finished from football, but just like when someone does pass away, The Ol' Gunslinger is being remembered a little too fondly and with way too much hyperbole. In fact, some people seem to love Brett so much that it's impaired their comprehension skills. On the most recent Shame Report, I gave Father Time the Brown Paper Bag of Shame for bringing an end to Favre's 297-game streak. For some reason, though, a number of viewers thought I was condemning their hero. Here are just a few of the bon mots posted in the comments section of NFL.com:
Deke977 -- Wow shame report on a guy who played 297 straight games ... what has Dave Dameshek done? ... Wait for it ... Oh nothing.
(How dare you say I've never done anything. I once made it four straight days eating nothing but pizza.)
Darthmelkor -- You're the SHAME of the journalists!! ... Wash your mouth before talking of Brett Favre! He's done history on his profession!! And you ... well! You just should be ashamed of your self just for being so pitiful and sad!! You guys on the NFL Network!! Shame on you too!! By having this brainless piece of potato hosting a segment!! Don't you guys have something better to do with your time on the air?? I have some GREAT SUGGESTIONS compared with this poor little man's show!!
(It hurts my feelings that I'm just a piece of potato. I couldn't be the whole potato?)
Futbalfan4life -- Dear Dave Dameshek -- Who the heck are you? I'm asking that seriously. I have no clue who you are. You're a nobody. In this, Brett Favre's worst year of his career, his life is still 1000X better than yours will ever be. You're a loser and I think the only way for people to even know that you exist is for you to talk trash the greatest QB who ever played the game in order to get a reaction out of people. How sad is your life?
(Working back to front, I'd put the sadness of life at about an 8.1. Now, as for your contention that Brett Favre is the greatest quarterback ever, well, that's just hooey and applesauce. He's not even in the top five quarterbacks list of my lifetime.) Who is? I'm glad I asked:
- Joe Montana
- John Elway
- Dan Marino
And if that top five offends you, futbalfan4life, you'd really hate the expanded list. Trust me.
On that last Shame Report, I also denounced the Vikings and Lions for playing under domed stadiums. I don't know who signed off on this foolishness, but it's just plum wrong for any NFC North teams to not be out in the elements ... especially this time of year. Well, as you may have heard, Monday Night's game between the Bears and Vikings will be played at the University of Minnesota's new stadium. Outdoors. Only a fool would consider that a coincidence. But I need no thanks. It's just nice to know my righteous work is having an affect. This is a results-based business, people.
Alright, I think that's more than enough for now. I've gotta head out to do some Christmas gifts. I think I'll also get myself a Raiders jersey.
Happy Holidays, everybody (and that includes you, Belichick, Favre and Darthmelkor)!
Sincerely,
The Piece of Potato
