There's a famed "Seinfeld" episode in which Jerry is upset with Dr. Whatley (played by Bryan Cranston) because he converted to Judaism so he could tell Jewish jokes. And Jerry isn't upset as a Jewish person, but he's offended as a comedian.
And I totally get that with the New York Giants. I'm not offended that the Giants tried to cheat Monday night. I'm offended that they did it so poorly. Trust me, I'm the guy who will cheat in a game of Battleship with my 7-year-old nephew Vincent, so I'm not above a little underhandedness in order to win.
Bending the rules is fine. My only request of others is just to be better at it. In other words, pretend like you're hurt in a play, not that you're fainting. Only Larry David can pull off fainting with sincerity (or should I say, hilarity).
So, Giants players, here are six people who could teach you how to be better at faking injuries -- just for next time.
And without further ado ...
6. Al Czervik
If "Caddyshack" taught us one thing it was this: Don't bring a Baby Ruth to a pool. The second lesson: If you're losing in an illegal golf match, don't be afraid to fake an arm injury to allow your more talented caddy the opportunity to win it for you. And have some explosives handy.
5. Vlade Divac
There was a time when Vlade was a charming, chain-smoking young center, learning the NBA game under Magic Johnson's wing. And then he went to Sacramento and somehow learned the art of flopping from his other teammates. But even his poor acting skills were much better than the Giants'.
4. Alfred Oglesby
You might not remember Oglesby, but he was the Dolphins player who missed practice in 1992 and, instead of facing the wrath of Don Shula (left), faked his own kidnapping -- a lie to which he later copped. On the upshot, this might or might not have been the inspiration for "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective."
3. Erika
Flopping has been a hallmark of the Premier League, and for awhile, the gals had avoided the shenanigans. But Brazil's Erika faked an injury during the quarterfinals of the 2011 World Cup against the United States,and it was so obscene, even professional wrestlers scoffed. But it all ended well when the U.S. won on penalty kicks. America!
2. 'Ace' Bob Orton
Seriously, just how long did it take for Orton's broken arm to heal? He first broke it legitimately in 1985 in a match against Superfly Snuka, and he continued to wear a cast until about three weeks ago -- but only because he was acting on the "doctor's orders." Orton taught a whole generation how to cheat.
1. Paul Pierce
It' ironic that Pierce's nickname is "The Truth" because there was nothing truthful about his alleged injury in the 2008 NBA Finals. But give Pierce credit. He went so far as to leave the court via a wheelchair, because even the ghost of Red Auerbach thought airlifting him out of the arena would be a bit much. Kind of weird that the Celtics would stoop to cheating, right?
Some would say that Adam Rank is cheating the NFL by taking a paycheck. Talk about it via Twitter or via Facebook. Be sure to catch the latest on the Dave Dameshek Football Program.
