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What would Phil Dunphy do? Anybody who caught "Modern Family" on Wednesday night has no doubt added that phrase to their vernacular. This is the way we should all go through life.
But that begs the question: What kind of fantasy football player would Phil Dunphy be? Let's be honest, a lot of schemes don't always work out (Head Scratcher ... TM!). So I could easily see him being the guy who would take Matt Ryan with the fifth overall pick in the draft, just because he a 'had a feeling.'
At the same time, the guy has a huge house in the suburbs of Los Angeles, he's a successful real estate agent, and he landed a pretty hot wife. So Phil's a winner in a lot of ways.
So while I can see Phil making a fool of himself by drafting Ryan in the first round of his fantasy league, I also can see his final four picks of the draft being Cam Newton, "Victory" Cruz, Jordy Nelson and DeMarco Murray.
Phil strikes me as the guy who is ridiculed at his fantasy draft, but wins every year. That's the only conclusion we can have, right?
With all of that out of the way, I am offering you my likes and dislikes for the coming fantasy week and more. That's right, Facebook won't give you a dislike button, but I certainly will. And this all will be presented to you in a random, meandering style, which has been glowingly referred to as "teenager on crack chic." Bolded names are my likes, and dislikes. My first "like" is my stat man, Bill "Sudsy" Sudell.
Too many disclaimers? You can always check the rankings, but that is a terrible way to waste a holidy work week.
I don't like Matt Ryan's nickname, but I certainly like him this week against the Vikings, who have allowed the most points to fantasy quarterbacks. Ryan has averaged 311 yards and two touchdowns in the three games since his bye week, so now it looks it's finally starting to click for him. I have him as my No. 8 quarterback this week, just ahead of Eli Manning, Philip Rivers and Ben Roethlisberger. …
Vince Young is my No. 12 quarterback this week. That's right, VY as a QB1. The matchup is just too good. Young would have put together a good game last week, were it not for turnovers. But playing a team that gives up a lot of points in the air when they are coming off a Monday night game and taking to the road, well, I like that matchup. ...
You can't dismiss what Tim Tebow is doing as luck. You just can't. I start him in front of all of the previously mentioned quarterbacks. Tebow reminds me of this guy who played basketball at Long Beach State named Grant Stone. All of the Cal State Fullerton fans would ride Stone all game while yelling "you suck," and yet, he would continue to make big basket after big basket. That eventually led me to ask my fellow fans, "How much are you going to keep ragging on the guy until you finally realize he's good and you should stop egging him on?" That's what Tebow's like. Say what you want, but he keeps putting up the points. Oh, and for the record, Stone sucked. …
I like DeSean Jackson this week against the Patriots, who have allowed the most points to fantasy receivers. A rather impressive stat considering the team is coming off a matchup against the passing combination of Tyler Palko and Jon Baldwin. Jackson is a big-play threat and he could have had a bigger game last week, but look for him to continue this week. ...
And what prompted Jaguars kicker Josh Scobee to call Jackson a punk? Not that I mind. I like juvenile Twitter wars as much as the next guy -- and I want to encourage it as much as I can -- it just seemed kind of strange. You know what, I might add Scobee just because I like his pluck. ...
Add Matt Leinart to your roster right now to avoid the rush of people who are going to add him from the waiver wire on Tuesday. Leinart has been a punchline, but he's going to be effective for the Texans. ...
ImageSpeaking of punks, congratulations to CM Punk for winning the WWE title. It was the right move, because Punk is the best guy going in the company. Well, him and Dolph Ziggler are the best guys going. My early prediction is Punk will face Ziggler for the WWE title at Wrestlemania. Punk will beat Alberto Del Rio in the title defense at TLC, and then probably again at the Royal Rumble. Ziggler wins the Rumble and challenges Punk. The cool thing is, with Rock and Cena headlining, the WWE can put a real wrestling match for the title in the undercard. The WWE will make a huge mistake if Punk isn't the champ at Wrestlmania. Punk should continue to hold it after, too, setting up the next feud against Wade Barrett. …
ImageOne more aside since we're talking about Philadephia, I love the Philly fans. I have turned a couple of transplanted Philadelphians into Angels fans because they never knew how much we also hated the Red Sox and the Yankees. There is a kinship there. …
ImageYou talked me into it, here's one more thought on baseball: I like the idea of pitchers winning the most valuable player award. I don't necessarily like the Justin Verlander pick (because he needed the hometown scorekeeper to keep a no-hitter going against the Angels like he was a Little Leaguer), but I get what they are doing. The argument is, pitchers don't play every day. Which would assume 'every-day players' don't take days off or take the collar on occasion. But the Tigers don't make the playoffs without Verlander. It's the truth. I'm also tickled Jacoby Ellsbury didn't win the MVP award. Take him away from the Red Sox, and they still choke. Put it another way, if Verlander was on the Sawks and Ellsbury was on the Tigers, who makes the playoffs and who doesn't? That's what I thought. ...
Feel safe starting both Panthers running backs - Jon Stewart and DeAngelo Williams - but I'm leaning heavily towards the Daily Show (Stewart). Stewart has become a big part of the Panthers' offense as a receiver, and he fits in more with the team's current offensive philosophy. Flex both guys. ...
Should you be back on the LeGarrette Blount bandwagon? Yes. The Titans have allowed the 10th-most fantasy points to running backs. Games like this where it's close will favor Blount. That made a huge difference for him last week. ...
Can you trust Chris Johnson this week? Yes. The Buccaneers have allowed the second-most points to running backs. I'll be sure to temper my enthusiasm after he has a big game, too. I've learned my lesson. …
Cedric Benson has topped 100 rushing yards in two of his last three games against the Browns, including 121 yards and a touchdown in Week 1. Benson is a great option this week, and I've got him ranked ahead of Darren Sproles, Beanie Wells and Shonn Greene. ...
I like the move the Chiefs made, grabbing Kyle Orton off waivers. The Chiefs flipped the double birds to the Broncos - on the eve of Thanksgiving no less - by saying, "Hey look, we just grabbed your best quarterback, Broncos." Here's the deal, don't start Orton this week. I'm not sure he'll even be active. But now he's going to get some extra time to be ready for the following week. I like this move a lot. This is akin to a waiver-wire deal in baseball, which I love. I have to believe the Broncos thought they were just doing Orton a solid by letting him go to the Bears for a playoff run. But oops, the Chiefs needed a quarterback, too. ...
I've been disappointed with Percy Harvin for most of the season, but I'm excited to play him this week against the Falcons. The Vikings recently came to the conclusion Harvin is talented and they're trying to get him the ball. That initiative should be accelerated this week with AD out. Look for Harvin to get a high-number of touches as a running back and a receiver. You can't ask for a better opportunity. Well, you could, but that's greedy. ...
Cam Newton or Tom Brady? I had this question on Twitter. For real. I still like Brady this week. The Eagles cornerbacks are pretty good and shut down opposing receivers. Expect bigger days for Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez, that's all. ...
I will like Wes Welker much better if Nnamdi Asomugha misses Sunday's game. Asomugha was taken off the Eagles' practice field via cart on Thursday. …
ImageBut come on, choosing between Newton and Brady is a true embarrassment of riches. Like, who has to make those decisions? The biggest decision I had to make this week was if I was going to watch "Homeland" or "Dexter" before going to bed on Sunday night. By now you've read me talk about my Sunday routine. Last Sunday was special, though. We had three TVs working with WWE's Survivor Series, The LA Galaxy winning the MLS cup and the Giants vs. Eagles game. So I had to pick between my two favorite Showtime programs, and I ended up going with "Homeland." I don't know if that is a knock against "Dexter" this season, or what. Maybe it's just because "Homeland" is new. But I never thought that would happen. I guess there is a fantasy lesson here, too. ...
The lesson is this: Too often we cast aside the fantasy studs we have come to rely on (maybe take for granted) for something new and flashy. Some of you (and I have the tweets to prove it) are considered benching Greg Jennings this week for Torrey Smith because of recent performances, neglecting all of the great games Jennings had given you. Don't do that. That being said, I don't regret watching "Homeland" instead. It was awesome. ...
ImageAll right, since we're talking about TV, "Sons of Anarchy" was awesome this week. I'm putting in spoilers, so tread carefully. I was informed I ruined it for Brazil last week. My bad. So here is what I have so far. I was expecting this to be one of those storyline-moving deals, where nothing happens as we march towards the finale. But Kurt Sutter is too boss for that. Otto ratted out the boys, got revenge for Luanne by getting Bobby thrown in jail, with an epic "Get your own list, ready" parting remark. Gripping and a good conclusion for Otto who has given his life to the club. I thought Otto was setting up Lincoln for something, but they had done something similar with Agent Stahl. Oh yeah, there was a fight in the home used by the IRA for finding Catholic homes for unwanted babies. (If you don't watch SOA and are reading this, how that sentence doesn't launch you into buying the DVDs is beyond me.) And there seems like something is missing: That's right, Clay was gunned down. Or so we are to believe. I have one word for you: bulletproof vest. ...
ImageYou all realize Julie Bowen of "Modern Family" was the love interest in "Happy Gilmore," right? Yes, she had short hair. I'm stunned more people don't know this. That's why I'm here.
I wouldn't add C.J. Spiller to your starting lineup. He should be on your team, especially if you lost Fred Jackson. But I missed out on Spiller and I'm not sweating it. Spiller was given every chance to be successful with the Bills and he's failed to live up to high expectations. Chan Gailey might be able to coax some fantasy value out of him. But until you see it, leave him on the bench. ...
Take a pass on Toby Gerhart this week. You handcuffed AD with Gerhart, and that's the right thing to do. But in addition to losing touches to Harvin, Gerhart just didn't look great when he got his chance in Week 11. Wait and see with this guy. ...
I'm done with Jackie Battle. I just released him. Orton could come in and offer some stability for the Chiefs offense, but there is no need to be crazy for Battle. And this is coming from a guy who has a majority of curtain-jerkers and jobbers at running back. ...
ImageSpeaking of wrestlers, what's the deal with John Cena? I was certain he was going to waffle The Rock with a metal folding chair at the end of "Survivor Series." If not, then what was the point? Cena is already the company's top heel. Sure, kids root for him. And you can book him so he's not heelish to kids, but is the kind of guy adults would hate. In fact, if Cena did smack The Rock, he could easily justify it by saying he was going to "Be a star" and stand up to the bully. What a missed opportunity. Though, a well-placed source tells me many WWE writers have pitched a Cena heel turn, but it's the merchandise sales that keep him a face. ...
Here are my quarterbacks No. 13 through No. 16: Carson Palmer, "Red" Dalton, Josh Freeman and Mark Sanchez. I had Matt Moore and Joe Flacco just behind those guys. …
The thing that really hurt Denarius Moore was the lack of targets (2) against the Vikings. I'm staying away from him and Darrius Heyward-Bey. …
I hate to talk bad about Dalton, who is an emergency starter in another league for me. But there are good things coming up, as he has a favorable stretch for the playoffs. My only hope is I get there. …
You really should be watching NFL.com during the Thursday night game, even if you do get NFL Network. Kurt Warner was great breaking down Sanchez last week. Warner said Sanchez is great on his first read, but if his first read is covered, he has nothing. Sanchez's biggest problem is when the play breaks down. I have to believe that comes down to coaching. …
If you check out my rankings, you'll notice there isn't a Redskins player to be found. No Rex Grossman, no Jabar Gaffney, no Stephen Davis, nobody. And I feel I have to point this out every week. But I will not succumb to #shanahanigans. I just won't do it. If I don't make a mockery of Mike Shanahan and his ill-fated regime, then who will? …
Let's #occupy Redskins park. …
ImageI like the #occupy people. But I don't like people who camp out at the box chains for Black Friday deals. Can I have a day where I enjoy the company of my family without fighting mall traffic to save a few bucks? I spend enough time on the 405, why do I have to jockey for position with some soccer mom to save 15 percent on a TV? This is what I've been reduced to? If they filmed "Armageddon" again, I would have that scene where Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler are picnicking and wondering if the world is worth saving occur on Black Friday. I'm sure the movie would have a much different ending. …
Montario Hardesty is going to start if he's active on Sunday. Oh boy. I would still rather have Chris Ogbonnaya start. I wouldn't get too worked up over titles like 'starter' and such. Hardesty was limited in practice and even if he does 'start', I'm not in a rush to add him to my lineup, even over Ogbonnaya. In fact, I didn't even list Hardesty in my rankings. I'm that underwhelmed. …
Bench Sidney Rice this week. He's been good, no doubt. But the Redskins defense has actually been pretty good in shutting down opposing receivers. Until the Cowboys torched them through the air, the Redskins had allowed only two touchdown receptions to receivers. Look for other options this week. …
Darren McFadden missed practice and is out again. If you have a chance to move McFadden before your deadline passes on Friday, make it happen. He's giving up goal-line work when he returns and given his history of injuries, he's too much of a risk to be reinjured this season. …
I'm over the Chargers running backs, too. Ryan Mathews and Mike Tolbert have been equal parts annoying. Mathews was limited in practice this week, and let's be honest, can you ever really trust him? When you look at how the Chargers have struggled over the past two years, you can't help but wonder how much a healthy Mathews would have meant. …
Ahmad Bradshaw is likely out again. That's a lot of good running backs on the sidelines. And I thought I had it bad. I started the year with Jamaal Charles and replaced him with Fred Jackson in our NFL Network league. I'm down to the felt with running backs right now. I'd be running away with this league if it wasn't for injuries. …
Reggie Wayne has a great matchup this week, but I just can't move myself to play him. Wayne has had less than eight fantasy points in nine consecutive games. The guy actually targeted the most in the past two weeks for the Colts is Jacob Tamme. I don't like him, either. …
Earl Bennett will likely be the most-targeted receiver of Caleb Hanie. But that's akin to getting free tickets to the latest "Twilight" picture. Nobody wins. …
I do like that all of those people who thought that Hanie could lead the Bears to a title will finally get their chance -- their chance to be proven wrong. …
Remember all the talk about John Skelton possibly being the future in Arizona? Oh, you don't? That's right; nobody wants to claim that now. And you can try to carry on like nothing happened. But like that Nickelback CD still lurking in your closet, I know it's there. …
ImageWhy Nickelback? Detroit has a musical history and instead of The Nuge or Iggy and the Stooges, you pull out Chad Kroeger, who is the rock equivalent of WalMart. This was much more offensive than the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction, and FOX should be subjected to a heavy fine for airing the (thankfully) brief set. Honestly, this was the worst thing to happen to Detroit since Joey Harrington. I thank the awesome Lions fans for booing them off the stage. …
I like the attitude the Lions have taken to the field in recent weeks, because the team needs an edge. But when Ndamukong Suh is going to get ejected in the biggest game of the season, well, the wheels are starting to come off. …
I don't know how you can bench Dwayne Bowe. I really don't. But he's not going to have a good game against the Steelers, who have allowed the third fewest points to receivers. His quarterback kills him, too. …
And here's the deal Tyler Palko: You'd better be damn good to pull off that haircut. It's the same deal for dudes who wear board shorts to play pickup basketball. You don't do that unless you can drain the three or really ball. Otherwise you just look like a goof. …
Speaking of hair, will you cut your locks Torrey Smith? You can't get upset somebody tackled you by the hair any more than I can blame Del Taco for me being overweight. I'm the guy who got into my car and made the order. I could have easily went to the Flame Broiler to get a chicken bowl, but I didn't. So that's on me. …
BTW, I do want to say I was rooting for Palko if, for nothing else, we'd have a repeat of the performance he gave at Notre Dame when he grabbed a live mic after the Pitt Panthers win at South Bend and said, "I'm so [expletive] proud of this team!" …
ImageThat reminds me, poor Lee Corso had to apologize after he uttered an expletive during the college pregame show on ESPN. WTS is that about? Corso is one of the best things about college football, and I love his enthusiasm. It's infectious. After the scandal at Penn State, we really need to prioritize what gets us upset and have some perspective.
For the record, you can submit your fantasy questions to NFL Fantasy Live, Michael Fabiano or me on Twitter. But realize, NFL Fantasy Live has 37,000 followers, and Fabiano has 40,000. Me? Just 13. See, the odds are better I will answer your question, so hit me up both via Twitter or via Facebook. Also be sure to catch the latest "Dave Dameshek Football Program."
